My escape and addiction

I'm 17. I started masturbating at the age of 9. I lived in a very loud, argumentative, and (for lack of a better word) abusive home. I used masturbation as my "pick-me-up". And, it stays true. Now as these 8 long years have gone by my sexual life has gotten... Strange. I love being dominated. Men need to have full control of me. I'm getting deep into BDSM and S&M to the point I could never be raped. I really want to be raped.... I almost set up the action with a friend. I really want to read 50 Shades of Gray. I got 10 pages in before my grandmother started to talk to me about how it would "Morph my idea of s**". I almost laughed in her face. I mean, I want my partner to parade me around, get another man to f*** me, then hit me and call me a w****. I also, I want to get f***** by a dog while sucking my master's c***. I've read stories on here that talk about being f***** by dogs and they're all great. I love it so much. One night, while watching Taboo, I realized a s** addicts lowest point sounded really hot to me and is actually kind of a fantasy. I guess that's what I get for getting s** and masturbation as an escape...