I'm 15, just lost my virginity, and already regret it.

Last night, I was at a party. Drinking, drugs, etc.
This guy who is 17 or 18 was there with his girlfriend of 8 months. At some point throughout the night, he started flirting with me.
Thinking nothing of it, I flirted back. I was pretty damn stoned, and a bit buzzed from the alcohol.
Things got progressively more sexual as time went on.
He would leave his girlfriend just to come and hug me, and he was just going all out.
Then, when it was late, at like 2 a.m we sat next to each other on the couch. Everyone at the party was basically all crammed in one living room. It was stuffed.
He kept nudging me a little bit, and I would push back.
He put his hand on my leg, and squeezed HARD. You had to be there, but basically we were confirming without saying that we liked each other (or at least, were sexually attracted).
Then he put a pillow over his lap. I massaged his leg, and teased him for a while. He got really into it.
He then offered others massages. Mind you, no one noticed we were all over each other, and his girlfriend barely looked.
When he was giving other people back rubs, he would pull his arms back a bit so that his elbow would hit me a bit. I was so h**** and high at this point, I had no idea what to do.
So then we went downstairs together, and we were looking for some kind of food I think. We went into a pitch black room, and he kissed me.
Later on, we went outside to smoke. We walked away from the group, and to the side of the house (no one was there). We leaned on some car, and he basically asked me if I wanted to hook-up with him.
My thought process was just not there at all, and basically I was just doing whatever anyone else was doing.
So he leaned in, and we started making out intensely.
We walked to the back of the house, and he started fingering me as we made out. We thought someone was there, so we paused and talked for a while. I was considering leaving, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I already was starting to feel bad because of his girlfriend, but I just... I don't know.
Then we ran up behind this shed type of thing in the party hosts yard, and think just took off.
He took off my shorts and fingered me and then he told me to turn around and bend over. He f***** me from behind, and pulled out, then I finished him off.
Basically it was a quick thing with a complete stranger.
After the fact, we just kind of acted like nothing happened.
But I realized this morning when I sobered up, that he didn't use a condom. Not only that, but at the time, I had no clue he and his girlfriend were actually in a SERIOUS relationship; I thought it had only been a month or so. (Not that it makes it much better, but knowing that I just had s** with someone's boyfriend whom she claims she loves is awful).
I know I shouldn't drink, and that was the only time I have. I know I shouldn't smoke, but f***, it makes me so happy. And I DEFINITELY know I shouldn't have s**, especially with strangers, and especially without protection.
It's all so stupid. I got home and immediately started having an anxiety attack because I could be pregnant, and also because I feel immensely guilty.
I haven't ever done anything like this before, I haven't ever been THIS stupid.
I feel so horrible, and I can't bring myself to tell anyone. I also need to get a prescription for a morning after pill because I'm underage, which would require telling my mom, which I can not possibly do.
I just f***** up so hugely, and I can't seem to shake this feeling of self-hatred.

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  • Look guys virginity is important to someones live. . men . think of humanity. . only s**** make the first move a w**** . . and before you had s** . . think clearly what would likely to happen on the next day so . . you don get negative effects. . its good to loose virginity when you are married . . . you were like fresh and clean!!!

    :P

  • all u h8rs eat my d***
    u obviously never been faded cuz if u had u wouldn't be virgin f****
    an sorry bout the situation honey
    im14 an already takesthis s*** srsly
    tell ur mom
    dont say i got fukked in my wet p****
    just lay it down like u dont remember what happened
    hope im not 2 l8
    -AidPhil

  • I've been reading the comments on this, and you all are stupid. Having s** once doesn't make you a s***. So what, you messed up once. People do stupider s*** all of the time. You'll be fine. Just don't go out and have s** with everyone, and always use a condom.

  • First, you too young to be drinking and doing drugs. Honey, 15 year olds and drugs/alcohol do not mix.

    Second, you are like the most dumbest girl in the world. 17 year old will tell all his friends what an easy lay you are. You are easy and stupid. Don't be surprised to hear cat calls from other guys. All they need is some booze and drugs to get your legs spread open. So spread em wide honey. You have been officially made a "easy" ho.

    Third, stop making excuses for yourself. Grow up! You wanted to have s**! Deal with it! Hope you're not pregnant or have an STD.

    Lastly, stick with school and books. Get educated. Knowledge is power. S** is not everything. Boys are not everything. They will always be there no matter what. There is no such thing as never ever having s** or getting a boy to like you.

    Think with your brain, not what's between your legs. Treat that thang between your legs like it's worth a million dollars. If he want it, he gotta work hard to get it. Grow up! You knew how to open your legs for that d***, so now use your head for better things in life. Be smart!

  • its too late. your all ready a s*** and theres nothing you can do about that. its over for you. i just truely hope that you can keep your illegitimate baby from becoming a s*** like her shed-f****** mother.

    S-L-U-T! S***!! S***!!! S***!!!!!!

  • So this wasn't your shining moment. You live and you learn. Don't be so h****** yourself. Stop hating yourself and let this go. I have a feeling that the next time you choose to have s** will be sober and with a boyfriend, someone who you really care about. For now, go to Planned Parenthood. You may not need your parent's permission. But there is only a small window that you can take the morning after pill. You should most likely tell your mom so that she can get you on birth control if you plan to be sexually active. Or even tell your doctor at your next visit for bc. Telling your mom maybe difficult (or easy) depending on your relationship..but your mom wants the best for you to share and go to her then hide it from her.

  • Don't worry ;) Things like this happen sometimes. Yes that was pretty stupid but for crying out loud, your only 15! I did even stupider things than that when I was your age. Those people hating on you, are stupid b******. They're trying to make you feel horrible because they've got nothing better to do. I would recommend tell your about having s**, maybe not all the other stuff, but she can support you. You'll have to tell her eventually, why not sooner rather than later? It's going to be hard, but good luck C:

  • Honestly for being 15 you sound very mature and like you have a good head on your shoulders. Everyone f**** up and everyone goes through stages like this as teens. Let's just hope yours is short lived and their aren't and serious consequences. I'm only 19 and I've been through more then you can imagine. Don't make the same mistakes I did! Have fun, but be responsible!

  • hi, s***

  • try to relax! This is not the end of the world for you, even if you are pregnant. If you have a good relationship with your mother than tell her. If not, you should consider telling her anyway.

    I believe that your parents biggest hangup might be the drugs not the s**. When I found out my daughter was having s** I was not angry with her. When I caught her smoking a joint I was furious. S** is natural and teens will be curious and exploitative.

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