Account Login
Confessions of a Corrupted Little Girl
I used to be such a stupid child. I did things that normal girls shouldn't have and knew things that normal girls shouldn't. When I was about five, I used to "play" around with my cousin a lot. He's a boy- I'm a girl. We would take showers together and play in there. When I slept over, we would sleep on the same bed and kiss at night. I never had any feelings for him that way. It was just something we did as fun.
Then I started to do things similarly with my other cousin. We're both girls. We would also kiss and touch each other in the shower. We were about seven. I specifically remember that she was a very sloppy kisser, which grossed me out a bit, but I still continued with her anyways.
And then I started roleplaying with my mom's friend's daughter. We would go on the bed and I would pretend I was a guy and she would be the girl. She would lie on top of me and...
Soon, I started to do things similarly with a girl who was my next door neighbor.
I feel awful- as if I didn't have a pure childhood. I don't know if all of those kisses count as my first kiss. I'll never get to experience a true "first" kiss. I'm only 15 now. Fortunately my cousins and I completely pretend that we never did any of that stuff.
This sounds like a generational curse. If there is a minister or evangelist you can trust (try to pick one of the same ** as you, and meet in a public place) bring it up with him/her, and ask how you can overcome the guilt, shame, etc. Jesus Christ completely heals! That's the great news!
I feel very much like you do.:( our stories r pretty similar.