I don't think i'm in love with him
I think I have my life together more than my bf does. I almost feel like, by moving in with me, he'd be mooching off of me. I know he keeps saying he doesn't want to do that, but then he talks about being unemployed for 6 months or even a year. That terrifies me. I worked really hard to get to the position I'm at now and if I need to support him for a month or two that's fine, but 6 months? A year? No way. He also seems too willing to take support or even money from my parents. I really didn't like that he said that Dad had to give him help in finding a job. Dad doesn't have to do anything for him. He doesn't owe him anything. He should find his own job and be grateful for any support he gets. Mom and dad also don't have to let him stay with them. They can offer if they want to, but it shouldn't be an expectation. I also didn't like how he said that it doesn't matter what job he gets if I'm going abroad in the next few years and he can just come with me and we can make lots of money (or rather—I can make lots of money and he can benefit). First of all, I kind of doubt I'd be doing that because I don't think it's an early career thing. But even if it is, he should be grateful for the financial benefits it would provide to him rather than just saying that he'd take advantage of that and not get the best job possible. In that vein, I didn't like how he asked me to pay for meals and cabs and stuff even though I dropped $500 on a hotel room (which he asked me to pay more for since he wanted a nicer place than the first place I booked). That's really not ok. I know the hotel was my idea and I was willing to pay for it, but then he said that he'd cover my other expenses and he'd give me the difference since he wanted a nicer place.
I also don't like all of this talk about compromising your career. I feel like it honestly comes from a place of real insecurity. Insecurity for him is such a huge thing. He's constantly asking me whether I love him or whether I think he's cute (a whole other issue I'm also really upset about) or whether I'm going to leave him for someone cuter and more successful. I've worked incredibly hard to get to the position I'm at now and while I'd love to have a family, I personally think I can do that and balance a career. I wonder if we'd be having the same discussion if he were looking at a similarly exciting position like mine rather than a very amorphous and uncertain situation. I know he says he'd do anything for me and that I'm this incredible person and it's really great that he cares about me that much, but it's also sort of unsettling because I don’t want someone who's going to 1) follow me around like a puppy, and 2) be constantly and eternally insecure because he feels like he's not as good as me.
I also hate hate hate hate hate his attitude towards his weight loss. It's great that he's lost 15 pounds (or so he says … I can definitely tell that he's lost weight … thank God … but I don't know if it's 15 pounds), but he still has a gut and it's gross. He says he wants to get down to 140, which is another 35 pounds, but he refuses to consistently work out and he eats stuff like Costco hot dogs. And then he tells me that he's going to reach his goal by the end of November? Well, that's 2 months away and he's only lost 15 pounds in 3 months, so how is he going to lose 35 pounds in 2 months? At this rate, he's got another 7 months to go. He talked about joining 24 hour fitness, which is literally a 10 minute walk from his apartment and he hasn't done it. I don’t believe he ever will. He's in perfectly good health, so there's really absolutely NO excuse. I just don't believe that he can't go to the 24 hour fitness, run or do the elliptical for 30 minutes, and go home. It would mean getting home 40 minutes after he usually does, which is really not a big deal. It makes me so angry because he always talks about how beautiful I am and how toned I am, but you know how I get that way? By working out. I leave for work at 6:15 or 7:15, depending on the day. I work for 8.5 hours and then I run or do the elliptical for 30 minutes before going home. My commute is nearly 3 hours, but I do it anyway because I take pride in my body and my health and I recognize the health benefits of maintaining good cardiovascular health. Why is it fair that I should do so much more to maintain a good physique than him? Yes, I know he's watching what he's eating and that's great, but I watch what I eat, too, AND I work out. He's paranoid that I find other guys hotter because he knows that they're hotter. Maybe I'm being super critical, but all of this stuff just really bothers me. I don't care if he needs to lose weight as long as he's actually trying his best to lose it and I don't think he is. I don't care if he needs to move out here without a job if he really tries his best to find the best position possible and I don’t think he will. He talks too much about compromising.