My sexual atytractions towards my cousin

Omg I have this guy cousin, that when I used to be about 6 years old andf he was about 9 we used to kiss a lot and now I am 18 and he is 21 and he comes over to my house and whenever we're talking to each other I just want to feel the rush of going down on him and f*** him really good. This is baddddd......but can't be contained.