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Mother
I just spent 20 minutes crying so heavily that I started dry heaving. My mother came home and yelled at me because she measured the table wrong and bought the wrong size cover. This happens daily. I get blamed for things that I have nothing to do with and I can't deal with it anymore. I want to kill myself so badly but the only thing stopping me is knowing what it would do to my friends. I've never been someone to share my problems, I don't want to trouble them. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't be around her.
Well. It is not you who has a problem. Your mother has hers. You must understand there is not that much one can do to (change?) their parent - they are grown up trees, the way they are. When things are not nice, your job is to get education, a job and get out of it. Never look back. Never go back. Live your life your way. With your people, who support you, not yell at you.
Go thru the schools, use your talents and your youth to your advantage, and get the ** outa your mothers home as soon as you can make it on your own. Do not let her ruin your life.
Suicide is not the answer, sounds as if you've reached breaking point and just need someone to talk to. It's important to open up and share your problems. It's not healthy to keep things bottled up. And that's what friends are for. They are there to support you. They may not be able to offer you any advice, but they can listen to you. Or talk to a counselor at school or see if you can speak with a therapist. As for your mom, she sounds a little unbalanced or maybe she's just really stressed out and you're the one she takes her frustrations out on. Regardless, it's not fair. She may not have any idea how it's affecting you. But, if you talk back or make a smart ** comment to her it will just exasperate the situation. Try just saying I'm sorry the (whatever it is she's freaking out about) is not what you wanted, I'm going to go do homework in my room now. Maybe at a different time when things are not heated. You could bring up what she does. Something like...do you realize that when something is wrong, that you blame me for things I had nothing to do with. ie the table cloth..It's hurts me a lot that you take it out on me the way you do. Hopefully, she's see the error in her ways and apologize and then try harder the next time.