Falling for an engaged man

A little over 2 years ago I met this handsome guy (27 yrs old), we felt a very strong attraction for each other right away but it only lasted for about 2 months. We both broke it off because we felt we weren't ready for anything serious (I had recently gotten a divorce). We remained friends for 2 years after that. We never saw each other again but we would text and talk every now and then. I always felt I could tell him just about anything and he felt the same way. About a year and a half ago I met a wonderful guy and he met a good woman too, so I decided to cut all communication with him, for respect to both of our partners but he never stopped texting, he would text at least once every few weeks, just saying hi and letting me know he missed me. I started replying to his texts just about 3 months ago (he is now 29 and I am 32) by then my boyfriend and I were having problems and we eventually broke it off. As far as I had heard from him, him and his now fiancee were having problems too, he wanted out and didn't know how to end it. So then we both started telling each other everything again, for over 2 months I rejected his invites to meet again but about a month ago I finally said yes. We felt that exact same attraction towards each other immediately and we spoke for hours and at some point we held hands, it was very sweet. We spoke about his engagement to this girl and he promised he was working on how to end things with her in the most calmly way for everyone (they live together), I told him we would not see each other again until he was done with that situation and he agreed but neither one of us was able to keep that promise and we saw each other again and again and again. I've only gone to meet him once to his town and he's been to my place many times already, he drives from far away just to come see me. I don't know how it happened and when it happened but now I feel desperately in love with this man. I haven't dare to ask him again about when he would break off the engagement, to be honest, I'm a little scared about the answer. I have been acting though and a bit cold to him just so he doesn't know how much I really care about him. He's told me he loves me many times and how not talking to me for so long was h*** for him and how happy he is that I am single now. When he says those things I believe him but then again, he's engaged!.
I am so confused and don't know if I should tell him how I feel about him, I don't want my heart broken again. I can't help to wonder if he's being honest with me about his engagement.

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  • Well, I'm the one that posted this confession and here's the update:
    I got a little smart and started looking for more clues or signs that would give me a little more information on this man and his supposedly "break up", it turned out that none of that had happened, he is still with his gf and for what I saw, they are in a very happy relationship. I feel horrible for her, I don't personally know her but nobody deserves to be cheated on the way this man did. I had a bad feeling about him and I should have listened to my intuition sooner, before sleeping with him again.
    The problem now is that I might be pregnant...

  • What if he is being honest and he really does need a little bit of time to do end things the right way. For what your letter says, it sounds like you two do have a lot more history than he does with that other girl and it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. But do make sure he ends his other relationship before you think about anything serious with him. It has only been a month since you two saw each other again. I say, give it some time, maybe a few months and if he's still with her then there's your answer. I think it's too soon to tell if he's being honest or not. Good luck to you!

  • Wow, thank you! I think I needed someone to tell me that. He's not available. I guess it's time to move on and if he does end up breaking things off with this girl, then we'll see where I'm at.

  • It's clear you don't trust this guy 100%. Listen to your intuition. Reading your story..he sounds like a player. Seriously, how hard is it and how long does is it take to break up with someone? The whole line about "staying calm for everyone" Please... This guy is just playing you. Yes, breaking up is hard to do. But when things aren't working, someone makes a move to break it off. You got a divorce, I'm sure that wasn't easy..but you did it. This guy clearly is having his cake and eating it too. And who knows how many other girls he's texting and seeing? What are you looking for with him? A committed relationship? If so, then this stuff needs to be straightened out now. If you want to see if he's for real or not, go to where he lives and ask to see his place...If he lets you, he's telling the truth. If not, he's lying. For all you know, he's married with kids. Time to think with your head and not your heart. He's got to figure out his s***, before he drags you into it too. You know what you want..so time for him to come clean and stop playing games. He's either available, or he's not.

  • You were right! he was never available.

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