I got married 5 yrs ago to someone who

I got married 5 yrs ago to someone who I thought was my soulmate. Before we got married she said we should do the right tihng no s**,no living together til after we were wed, I agreed. We did a lot together. We had a storybook wedding however on our honeymoon thats when everything changed. She did everything she could think of not to come to bed. To make a long story short, she confessed to not ever wanting to have s** with me or anyone else and she hid from me that she is bipolar. That was 4 yrs ago. This fall I had an affair after still trying to do the right thing. I feel decieved but guilty for what I've done. This is a mess.

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  • great response ^

  • I am BiPolar 2, She should have never hid her disease from you. 'Shrinks' tell us not to disclose it right away until you feel comfortable with the person because people have strange thoughts about BiPolar people and it scares them so they take off. She should have definately told you way before the wedding, that was just selfish and wrong.
    Also, BiPolar patients do go through certain fazes when s** is not really important to them and then in other times, mostly during the Manic cycles, we become overly interested in s** and constantly want it but it sounds like she doesn't want it at all, ever and I have no explanation because no s** at all is not a BiPolar trait.
    Is she on meds? She needs to be on meds, seriously, it will save your marriage. She does NOT need a s** therapist but a regular therapist to talk to. She needs meds and therapy and she needs you. If she seriously tries to get help and she really does love you, than you will see a change in her. If she doesn't give a s*** enough to get help or stay on her meds than s**** her and go on with your life, some day it will dawn on her that she let her disease control her life and ruin her marriage to you because she didn't want help.
    Your affair wasn't right but I can understand why you did it and honestly, in your shoes, I don't know that I'd have done anything different.
    I did want to mention something about the above posters in that most, not all, BiPolar patients do have some type of sexual thing in thier past, be it rape, molestation, or what not. A s** therapist would probably just scare the s*** out of her and push her further away from you in that regard.

  • Yea, that sucks. The first response is sound but I'm not sure I buy the bipolar stuff as a reason. I'd say to her if she can't be intimate or honest I am not sure the benefit or reason to be married is and even after 5 years get an annulment. Unless you knew this going in she fooled you on purpose and even God does not hold such a promise valid when done with deception. It may be noble to stay but it is not required if she tricked you.

  • Yea...but she was acting like a b**** to MARRY him first and THEN say she doesnt want to have s**. I would have slapped her..THEN got her some therapy. OR divorced her...

  • I definitely agree with the above poster. She may have some issues in her past that cause her to be disinterested - maybe even afraid? - of s**. A s** therapist might be able to bring those things out, and help you two get on track. I hope everything works out for you both.

  • I really feel for you. It sounds like you did your best. Not having s** from your wife is certainly a slap in the face and a kick in the groin. BUT having an affair is clearly wrong, as your guilt attests to. It's NEVER too late to do the right thing.

    Stop the affair. Help your wife get medication for the bipolar problem. See if you can get her to see a s** therapist. Do the right thing. You've only been married 5 years. Hang in there and hopefully things will get brighter.

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