Awkward self reflection

I turned 20 a couple months ago. I started having regular s** right before I turned 19 and I have slept with 17 people already. I have slept with three different men this week (none new). I am lying to one about not seeing other people. I really want to be a lesbian. I have a strange complex that I feel the need to tell men when they have affected my body during s**-such as bruises or soreness and I think its because I want to feel like a victim so my choices dont seem like my own and so I can feel solidarity with exploited women. I also want men to apologize to me for exerting power over me as a gender even if they as an individual were not abusive.

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  • Sounds like you have some sort of sexual abuse, neglect, abandonment issue, maybe gender identity issues too. You should seek a good therapist to help you sort it all out. Stop having s** until you figure it out, but if you do, make sure you use protection. Get tested right away. If you want to be a lesbian, why are you sleeping with so many men in just over a year? You admit wanting to feel like/identify with victims. Looks like you are acting in a way to make sure you will (sooner or later) be victimized. TRUST ME, YOU DON'T REALLY WANT THAT. So please....STOP. Are you sure you really are a lesbian (it's ok if you are, but you should be sure before you make such a drastic proclamation about your identity). You're young. Yes, 75% of men are a******* that want to use a young woman like you. But they are not all bad, and blaming all for the ills of some (even most) and what was done in previous generations is not fair either. Focus on learning how to recognized the good men from the bad men (be careful, sometimes the difference is very subtle. It takes lots of practice. You'll stumble, that's ok. Learn from your mistakes.) Seek the good, avoid the bad. Communicate and be honest with whoever it is you end up becoming intimate (not just sexual but open, emotionally intimate). A good shrink will help you figure this all out. I believe in you. I don't know who you are. But really, I do. I believe in you. You can be happy and have a great life. Just be careful and use your head. You're worth the effort and time in being careful and thinking things through before you leap. - All my best, a man.

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