ok...... forgive me, for i have

forgive me, for i have sinned...
I am engaged, and to be married soon. I have been with my fiance (girl A) for about five years now. However, more than half of those years I was sneaking around talking to another woman (girl B). I don't know why. I thought I was in love with the other woman, but something kept me with girl A, perhaps fear, or maybe I just thought girl B didn't measure up to girl A. Nevertheless, I loved talking to girl B and could open up to her easily. Girl A had/has a temper problem, however, it's not too bad anymore. I guess when we used to fight, girl B was always there to make me feel better. It kinda seems like it was a way for me to run away. Anyways, for all those years I managed to get by without getting physical with girl B (except for a grab, twice). Tonight, however, girl B sucked my d***....

what the f*** was i thinking! girl A just gave me head earlier today and i liked it, well i wasn't TOO into it today but still we went out for pizza n stuff n we had a good time. but girl B was home alone and we made plans to hang out. I kinda felt like we had to consumate (SP) our relationship after this long...but afterwards, i felt like woww...what did i just do....i can't believe i just did that..i'm not a cheater, but i just couldn't stop myself any longer...i am in love with girl A and now i feel guilty.....but in a way it's kind of a good thing i guess...because girl B was ALWAYS in the back of my mind so i couldn't be 100% with my fiance (girl A). now, after doing this, i'm pretty dam sure that i want to get married....hmmmm...i actually kinda think i needed this...i needed it to see how much i really care for girl A...i never thought i did.....well i think i kinda always knew....but now i kinda wish i could go back and just be with girl A.....but now the problem is if i go back...i'll still have those doubts that oh maybe i'm supposed to be with girl B.....i guess it's a catch 22.....to find out something you need to try it....but by trying it.....you basically ruin things in the process....

I want to be over this guilt and get on with my life. I am sorry God. Please give me the strength to overcome this great burden. Please give me wisdom so that I may know the right direction, and please guide me towards it as I have been lead astray. I know there are greater sins in this world, some that would make this act seem miniscule, however, this is the world to me right now. I do not wish to cause anybody pain. Please give me the courage to do the right thing, and please grant me the wisdom to know exactly what it is.

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