Very simply: I have a long term gf and I have fallen in love with my best female friend. It's not a passing crush as it's been going on for 2 years. I feel horrible. About 70% guilt every time I look at my girlfriend, about 30% pining for the girl I can't have.
What do I do?

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  • I just feel I can't throw away 7 years on the off chance she might feel the same and it'll work out. I think I'm going to have to cut girl two completely out of my life, but the thought of not seeing her makes me so miserable. At least that way I won't hurt my gf. Try and get things back on track because life has become untenable at the moment. I'm pleased you enjoyed your s***.

  • (Confused, have you been dating your gf for 7 years) In any case, it would really help you to speak with a therapist or a relationship therapist. Chances are your gf probably feels some of the same things you do, meaning there are probably some issues that continue to come up. Relationships are work and they change over the course of time. Especially after 7 years, you’re not the same two people you were 7 years ago. That’s not a bad thing, but after 7 years, or even 2 years..where is this relationship going? What are your future plans? individually and together? Do you want to get married or have kids? Do you still have common interests? Ending a relationship doesn’t always mean throwing it away. It means coming to the realization that the two of you have outgrown one another. And staying in a relationship isn’t always healthy either. And don’t stay with someone because you’re afraid to be alone. That’s what dating is all about. Figuring out who you should be with, testing the waters. Marriage is another beast, it’s certainly worth fighting for, but breaking up is a bit more involved. Your gf is a big girl, she can deal with it. It would hurt more to stay with her because you’re afraid of hurting her. As for the other girl..yea, there are no guarantees. But that’s life. End one relationship, before starting another one.

  • A lot of people feel a relationship is an investment and that unless that realtionship pays off in a 'happily ever after' the time and effort spent on it was wasted. Ridiculous, of course, since a good relationship pays off in a hundred different ways, even if you don't end up growing old together. What would be a waste is continuing a relationship that, as you put it, has run its course.

  • Only you know what you're truly feeling for someone else. Regardless of if your best friend reciprocates your feelings, it sounds like your current relationship has run its course and you should most likely end it. The fact that you're always thinking of this other girl while your with your current gf is emotional cheating. And it's really not fair to her, you're no longer fully invested in the relationship. Break up, wait a little while to see what you're feeling. And if it seems like a good time, ask your best friend out. You want to make sure you're really over your gf one wants to be a rebound relationship.

  • If you leave your gf to be with this other girl you will discover that being in a relationship with her isn't what you thought it would be and end up begging your old gf to take you back. I suggest you pretend this has already happened.

  • You need to stop believing that your thoughts are things you can't control. If you really can't have what's behind door number 2, then stop acting like you can have it if you just want it bad enough.

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