i love my husband of 6 yrs very much
i love my husband of 6 yrs very much, but we've been in a sexless marriage for over a year.. we've always had intimacy issues and i can't help him connect with me intimately, though we both really want it.. i know he's straight and not having an affair, and that work stress is really getting to him.. we have no children and we're both in our early 30s..
i've been a very patient wife, but lately my mind has been consumed with daydreaming and fantasizing over a close family friend.. he's single and has been a very close to me since he split up from his long term partner.. he's also been good friends with my husband since high school..
all these emotions came flooding in when he stayed with us 4 mths ago for a 2 wk holiday.. there was no flirting, nothing physical, yet i found myself willingly falling in love with him.. we became so intimate in such a non sexual way.. i know he felt something too cos he became softer and more gentle towards me as a lover would.. but after he left we hardly stayed in touch while we were apart..
and just this past wk, my husband and i went to visit him in his old hometown.. and it was as though those feelings never left.. he's dating someone now, but that didn't stop him from hugging and holding me so tightly, planting kisses on my cheeks when no one was looking, looking at me intensely across the room.. it felt like a forbidden love, so intoxicating and knowingly potent, yet very guarded and aloof..
we've never talked abt those hidden feeling, except to acknowledge that we've become much closer as friends.. i feel so confused because i love my husband so much and never thought i could love another man at the same time, the way i do his friend.. i know my hidden crush should not be pursued but i can't stop thinking abt him..
i want to fix my marriage but these thoughts are too hard to get rid off in my head.. no one around me knows of my problems, and think my relationship with my husband is rock solid.. i feel so guilty for l****** after our friend.. and i know it would b fatal to even leave us in a room together alone.. my frame of mind is too weak to say no to him right now if he was to make a move..
how do i move forward? pls share some words of advice with me.. they can be blunt so long as they are not offensive.. thank you..