A loser's letter to his lost love
I saw you for the first time, a little over two years ago. When I first saw you, I felt attracted to you, but at that time I didn’t realize it. Over the next few weeks, that attraction slowly grew into love. I realized that I was madly in love with you. Even then, I had a feeling that I would not succeed, and I spent a few weeks trying to stop loving you. Then I gave up. I started feeling that my life would be happy only if I spent it with you. I started spending all my time staring at you in class. I can’t describe the agony and jealousy I felt when I noticed you looking at him in class. Both of you became closer and closer, and I used to watch as a mute spectator, unable to do or say anything. I started practicing doublethink. Orwell would have been proud of me. I used to keep on saying “They are just friends. My ****** loves me” , all the while realizing that the chances of my getting you were approaching zero. Then I lost control of myself and (like a madman) told you how much I needed you. You said you just wanted me as a friend. A few days later, I asked you whether you loved anybody. You replied in the affirmative. When I asked you who it was, you tried to avoid answering at first. After a few months, when you told me who it was, I felt the world come crashing down on me. I am ashamed to say that I actually cried. Since then, I have been going through life like an automaton. I won’t say that I always think of you. Sometimes, during discussions on physics at our physics department, I actually manage to temporarily stop thinking of you. Those happy moments are few and far between. Perhaps this was one of the reasons I chose to study Physics. Still, in a corner of my mind, there is hope that you will someday fall in love with me. However, I realize that probably the only possible event which may allow me to live happily is for somebody to discover how to selectively erase memories in humans. Either that, or I fall in love with somebody else who is capable of loving me back. But then, who is going to fall in love with a physics nerd like me? Just remember that I will be there for you whenever you need somebody to comfort you, console you or just laugh with you.