Can you rly say all this?
I dont know what it means to say my true feelings, since I dont quite know what they are. (I should cut this out because Im putting on my defensive barrier.)
From the beginning:
C, what I feel for you... is hard to describe. I would hate to define it. When I wake up I wake up to a thought I will see you in a little bit. Then I forget all that, but the feeling remains in me.
Then, right before I see you a become nervous or curious. What r u gonna look like today. What r u gonna say to me. Then when u sit next to me my stomach twitches. Between nervous and satisfied. I wanna talk to you, but not to deep because Im scared that if you turn and look at me or smile at me, I'll go belletristic. But I dance around that possibility. I talk and talk and talk, keeping it on the edge, I might just survive if you look at me.
When you twitch my nose I DIE. When you look into my eyes I DIE. When you lean onto me I HAPPY. When we walk next to each other I HAPPY.
I remember the moment when all that started happening. We were on a bus. U were all over at the door and you looked at me and winked. It calmed me down. And I started thinking: why way that second of your attention so important to me, why did it satisfy me so fully, why was I looking to meet your eyes?
And it clicked.