I am a pathological liar. I have lied
I am a pathological liar. I have lied to friends, family, teachers, doctors, strangers, and jump at any opportunity to lie. For the past six years practically anyone that knows me thinks I'm into coke, that I've been raped twice, that I'm heavily sexually active, my parents let me stay in therapy for two years for bulimia, and that I'm deathly afraid of butterflies. THE TRUTH IS: I've never tried any drugs, I've never gotten wasted, I'M A VIRGIN, I've kissed more girls than boys (I'm a girl), I've never cut myself, never had any eating disorders, and I'm not afraid of butterflies.
I have NEVER been caught lying. For six years I have lied virtually every single day without fail. When doubted I covered up so well that to this day if someone begins to doubt me again others will stand up and defend me, swearing I'm the most honest person they know.
What's worse is that I DO NOT FEEL GULITY for any of my lies-- despite how much they might've harmed someone else. I do not feel the need to apologize, and don't think I ever will. I will never be able to own up to my lies because I am afraid of the isolation I will be deemed to if I should. Although I am fully aware I do not deserve to be trusted, it is the fear of never being trusted again that keeps me from telling the truth behind my past six years. I don't lie for attention; I lie because I can, because I'm good at it, but more-so because I get away with it EVERY SINGLE TIME.
My compulsive lying has lead me to have trouble trusting others, has lead me to be severely depressed, and I now find it harder to tell the truth.
Thankfully this site is providing me with a long much-needed relief of this secret and I hope to find it within me to seek the help I need and recover soon.