He's gentle, innocent, almost a child in a man's body. But I like him because he's honest, smart, attentive, caring and observant. He's the first guy that wants to get close to me. He's the first to like me, more than a friend.
Because surprise, surprise. I've never been dated or been in a relationship. Who can blame them, I'm repugnant, negative, course and often swears. I have no feminine ambiance in me, laugh and sneeze too loud, too tall and have the tendency to show off what a smarty-pants I am.
Who can blame me, either? Coming from a dysfunctional family, I can't wait for my mother to drop dead choking on pig's blood. I was a victim of physical, verbal and sexual abuse for almost 20 years until I left home. I'm practically homeless if not for the university campus.
So that's a little sob story here. But you get me why I act why I act. I can't change who I am, it's too late for that.
So when a guy likes me, it gave me confidence. I feel like a woman, beautiful and feminine. If I could thank him, I'd buy him a watch or something but dagnabit I'm poor.
Where's the problem you ask? It lies on the possible friend-zoning act I'm about to commit.
I really like him. But look at me. I'll only destroy him. I'm too dark for his sunshine personality. I have issues with God when he has full faith in him. I'm a bad influence. As much as I like him, I don't want him to be poisoned by me. You think he can learn something from me or I him, but there's going to be damage. I'm gonna burden him with my sleepless nights and depressive episodes.
Look, it sounds like I'm self-pitying myself. So I'll stop. This is mercy killing, our possible relationship. I'm just happy somebody likes me. But I don't think he can handle my energy. My dark energy. I haven't told him my background, one factor I know he won't handle the real me.
Have a nice day, u guys. Thanks for reading,
I'm very much like you. I use to be a very bad influence. It's amazing what one good, caring guy can do. Give him a try, but maybe warn him slightly that you can be negative or show offy. If he likes you too, he won't care. :) have fun
You can change who you are, but you will not if you don't want to change. I grew up with a lot of negatives in my life and carried those into adulthood. I never had great relationships and drove away the one woman that I finally connected with. I got help in my late 20s when getting through life with a chip on my shoulder and anger stopped working. With the help of a therapist I realized that I fed off the negatives and needed negative reinforcement in my life. I stopped being a victim of my past and learned to move on. You can't control what happened in your past, you can decide not to let that ruin your future.
If you know you are gonna hurt him...don't pursue this.