Poison Ivy

He's gentle, innocent, almost a child in a man's body. But I like him because he's honest, smart, attentive, caring and observant. He's the first guy that wants to get close to me. He's the first to like me, more than a friend.

Because surprise, surprise. I've never been dated or been in a relationship. Who can blame them, I'm repugnant, negative, course and often swears. I have no feminine ambiance in me, laugh and sneeze too loud, too tall and have the tendency to show off what a smarty-pants I am.

Who can blame me, either? Coming from a dysfunctional family, I can't wait for my mother to drop dead choking on pig's blood. I was a victim of physical, verbal and sexual abuse for almost 20 years until I left home. I'm practically homeless if not for the university campus.

So that's a little sob story here. But you get me why I act why I act. I can't change who I am, it's too late for that.

So when a guy likes me, it gave me confidence. I feel like a woman, beautiful and feminine. If I could thank him, I'd buy him a watch or something but dagnabit I'm poor.

Where's the problem you ask? It lies on the possible friend-zoning act I'm about to commit.

I really like him. But look at me. I'll only destroy him. I'm too dark for his sunshine personality. I have issues with God when he has full faith in him. I'm a bad influence. As much as I like him, I don't want him to be poisoned by me. You think he can learn something from me or I him, but there's going to be damage. I'm gonna burden him with my sleepless nights and depressive episodes.

Look, it sounds like I'm self-pitying myself. So I'll stop. This is mercy killing, our possible relationship. I'm just happy somebody likes me. But I don't think he can handle my energy. My dark energy. I haven't told him my background, one factor I know he won't handle the real me.

Have a nice day, u guys. Thanks for reading,
Poison Ivy

3 Comments

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  • I'm very much like you. I use to be a very bad influence. It's amazing what one good, caring guy can do. Give him a try, but maybe warn him slightly that you can be negative or show offy. If he likes you too, he won't care. :) have fun

  • You can change who you are, but you will not if you don't want to change. I grew up with a lot of negatives in my life and carried those into adulthood. I never had great relationships and drove away the one woman that I finally connected with. I got help in my late 20s when getting through life with a chip on my shoulder and anger stopped working. With the help of a therapist I realized that I fed off the negatives and needed negative reinforcement in my life. I stopped being a victim of my past and learned to move on. You can't control what happened in your past, you can decide not to let that ruin your future.

  • If you know you are gonna hurt him...don't pursue this.

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