He's gentle, innocent, almost a child in a man's body. But I like him because he's honest, smart, attentive, caring and observant. He's the first guy that wants to get close to me. He's the first to like me, more than a friend.
Because surprise, surprise. I've never been dated or been in a relationship. Who can blame them, I'm repugnant, negative, course and often swears. I have no feminine ambiance in me, laugh and sneeze too loud, too tall and have the tendency to show off what a smarty-pants I am.
Who can blame me, either? Coming from a dysfunctional family, I can't wait for my mother to drop dead choking on pig's blood. I was a victim of physical, verbal and sexual abuse for almost 20 years until I left home. I'm practically homeless if not for the university campus.
So that's a little sob story here. But you get me why I act why I act. I can't change who I am, it's too late for that.
So when a guy likes me, it gave me confidence. I feel like a woman, beautiful and feminine. If I could thank him, I'd buy him a watch or something but dagnabit I'm poor.
Where's the problem you ask? It lies on the possible friend-zoning act I'm about to commit.
I really like him. But look at me. I'll only destroy him. I'm too dark for his sunshine personality. I have issues with God when he has full faith in him. I'm a bad influence. As much as I like him, I don't want him to be poisoned by me. You think he can learn something from me or I him, but there's going to be damage. I'm gonna burden him with my sleepless nights and depressive episodes.
Look, it sounds like I'm self-pitying myself. So I'll stop. This is mercy killing, our possible relationship. I'm just happy somebody likes me. But I don't think he can handle my energy. My dark energy. I haven't told him my background, one factor I know he won't handle the real me.
Have a nice day, u guys. Thanks for reading,