An Urge I cannot control
I am a lifelong crossdresser, who, thru out my life, wished to be a girl. As far back as I can remember, I have had an urge to wear girls/womens clothing. As time went on, these urges got to the brink of completely uncontrollable. At the age of 15, I remember having the urge to get completely dressed in my sisters clothes, put on her makeup & nail polish, set my long hair then style it, then go outside to be seen by all as the female I have longed to be. I would wait until everyone in the house had gone to bed, then start my transformation. The thrill of dressing as a girl while everyone was in the house, was intoxicating, knowing that at any minute, someone could have gotten up from bed & came downstairs to find me completely dressed & wearing makeup & heels, the thrill of this made me want to be caught, hoping that, if I were caught, I would be allowed to dress as a girl all of the time. On this night, I wore my sisters blue long sleeved velour mini dress, under it I had on a pair of white satin panties & matching underwire bra, along with suntan support pantyhose. I polished my finger & toe nails a dark red before getting dressed & did my makeup flawlessly, after removing the curlers from my hair, I brushed it into a very feminine style, then sprayed it heavily with ultra hold hair spray. The way the curls framed my face made it almost impossible to tell I was not a real girl. I slipped on my sisters blue open toed pumps, got a black purse then sprayed myself with my sisters perfume, I would have given anything to be caught at that moment. I went into our kitchen, being careful not to let my heels make too much noise on the wooden floors, then slowly & quietly opened the back door & slipped outside. When I made it to the sidewalk, I was in heaven, feeling the night air on my hose covered legs, hearing my heels hitting the concrete & getting a wiff of my perfume on the night time breeze, this is how I wanted to be able to go out all of the time, it felt so normal, so right to me, I would have loved to be able to walk into the house like this, letting my heels hit the wooden floors, letting everyone know there was a girl walking thru the house. I would get such a rush when cars would drive by me, as far as they were concerned, they saw a sexy woman walking down the street, a couple of cars actually slowed down as they approached me then went slowly by, I knew for a fact they were checking me out, I just continued walking, content with the knowledge that I was a sexy enough girl that made men l*** after me. I walked around for 2 1/2 hours, loving the fact that men wanted me, I would have stayed out longer if not for one car that went by me at least 5 times, each time he went by, he would go by slower & slower, on his final pass by, he pulled up beside me & asked me if I needed a ride, at first I ignored him, just kept walking, but he kept at it saying all kinds of things, really nice things, but what really got me was when he told me how beautiful I was & I shouldn't be walking alone at night, I stopped walking & he stopped his car, I went over to his open passenger window & leaned in & told him I am not the girl you think I am, I am really a boy that wants to be a girl, I thought that would scare him off but instead he asked me if I just dress like a girl or do I do everything a girl does. I told him that I wanted to do everything a girl does because I really wanted to be a girl & that's when he came right out & asked me if I wanted to give him a b*******, I told him I never gave a b******* before, all I ever did was kiss a man & rub his crotch thru his pants. He said to get in his car & he would give me a ride home & maybe we could kiss a little, I felt so good being out dressed like a girl & finally letting someone know the truth about me, that I wanted to experience more as a girl, not just dressing as one, so I opened the door & got in his car. He asked where I lived & I told him, he started driving there. He put his arm around me as he drove & I slid over closer to him. He pulled up in front of my house & parked, turning his car off, he then started kissing me, I began to kiss him back then I put my hand on his crotch & began rubbing him. He told me to take his c*** out of his pants, which I did, he felt so good in my hand & he started to get hard as I played with him. I pulled my face away from his kisses & laid my head on his lap, seeing up close his beautiful c*** with my dark red fingers wrapped around it. I couldn't control myself, I took his c*** deep into my mouth & began to bob up & down on him. I loved the feel & the taste of him in my mouth & I couldn't wait to have him explode in my mouth, he put both his hands on the back of my head & began to really pump his c*** in & out of my mouth, just then he said he was going to c** & forced all of his c*** into my mouth causing me to gag, then he started c******, jet after jet of his c** was hitting the back of my throat, I swallowed it all.