I am a group of guys trapped in one body
I am a shy guy. Talking to strangers, and sometimes even acquantances is difficult. Of course, with friends I am a whole different person but around strangers I think my social skills just curl up in the back of my head.
Now, imagine how terrifying the concept of flirting or hittin on the ladies is for me. When it comes to attraction derive out of the pure decire of wanting to be more than just friends with a woman, i just cant even start the process. I am terrified to even say hi, let alone strike a conversation. This bothers me a lot. Quite honestly, I wish I was more like the s** addicted pervert that looks for casual hook ups online and social media.
Its strange, I'm a totally different man. Hungry for p****. Not in a rapy way. By no means having the desire to force myself into anyone's pants. I am angry at myself, I find it hard to befriemd women while its easy to take the lead on the ongoing communication between myself and my potential hook up.
I am scared of saying "Hey, my name is OP. I could not help but notice (insert random bs filler depending on the situation). And then carry on with the normal dialogue to get into phase one. At the same time, I find it extremely comfortable to describe the most sexially leud-pervy desires, and how I would go about giving/receiving pleasure from a woman I have just met.
You might think. "Hahha, once you move further into the relationship game, I am sure you will turn into the same s** crazed animal you truly are".. but I believe otherwise. I cannot even fathom seeing the women I fancy in a strickly demented sexual way.
I just imagine we would enjoy eachother (fully aware that there will be rough patches) and have a perhaps "extremely toned down" s** life.
Sometimes Idk who is the true identity, and how I can easly transition from one another with easy. Its quite weird and facinating. Perhaps, I could be a psycologist's wet dream. I don't know. I just know that I am a man with two completely different forces taking turns as the rulers of my interactions with the world.
Finally, the part the kills me the most. Could I be a serial cheater. Like have a lovely nice wife at home, for whom I present my best self. I am the perfect husband to her and I really really love her. All the while, I am leading a double life where the other part of me goes on a f****** spree with random women.