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I fantasize about death
Sometimes I dream about killing myself. I'm a very blessed mother to four and a somewhat loving husband.
But I get very anxious and overwhelmed with the pressures of life. I think about how wonderful it would be to take a bottle of rx pills and slip off to sleep. No more anxiety, stress, pressures.
Then I look in my baby girls face or hear my sweet toddlers voice and know how selfish thAt is.
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Kindly talk first to your husband who loves you. Then together, seek help. In the throes of depression and stress, I found solace in reading the gospels; google it in your phone and try it. I have peace unfathomable even in the midst of the most difficult situation.