Oh how he has forever changed me. Making me feel a way I'm not used too, digging deeper into my thoughts. Helping me find pieces of myself I didn't know I had, weeding them out of me one by one. Kisses lead to clothes being peeled off, exposing my body in a way I'm not entirely comfortable with, layers of privacy so suddenly revealed. Some how I end up on top of him with nothing but warm hands running down my back, keeping me warm, and compared to the cool air his body is on fire. It feels like someone is slowly turning the heat up in the room, as if there's a third person here playing with the thermostat because I start to feel warmer. Time is always in waves with him as everything will one moment appear to be so relaxed, slow, and then flashes into fast forward. Everything starts to happen so fast and I'm suddenly faced completely down on the arm of a couch, hands behind my back, handcuffed. I'm shocked and horribly scared at the feelings this brings out in me. I'm usually so plain, nothing exciting about me besides the occasional, or not so occasional, snarky comments. The focus moves to my wrists which are going slightly numb. Thoughts start to run loose in my head as he pulls my arms further back into submission. It's extremely hard to move, but I can tell that he's enjoying it, I don’t even know why I tried to move in the first place. Sudden jolts of pleasure is all I can feel and it gets harder and harder to keep up with my breath. The leather material of his couch starts to stick to my bare body, the muscles in my legs straining. Embarrassed by how much fun I'm having I reluctantly let out sounds that shock me, "Who is that ?" I think to myself. My handcuffs are tugged, snapped back, each time more fulfilling than the last. His tone matches mine now and I swear in this moment I get more out of his satisfaction than mine. I try to move my hands to my face forgetting I'm bound and fail miserably, he giggles and pulls closer, sliding into me faster and faster than before. I can't take anymore and just as I feel like I could have an almost out of body experience I'm sat upright. His mouth meets mine before he takes a drink of water, the same water is then so hastily poured over my burning body, instantly bringing me back to reality and making me shiver. We kiss again but this time it's soft, gentle, like the breeze coming in through the open window, my hands still confined behind my back. Finally, I'm released and I fall back down to the couch in utter shock and awe. What just happened ? What am I feeling ? My wrists are a bright red color and slightly bruised, but it doesn’t hurt which adds to my confusion. The drive afterwards feels silent, we might have spoken but I'm still in a haze, still processing my new world view. What is there to say that hasn't already been laid out across the living room ? We depart from each other but I can still feel him on me. Days pass and getting dressed becomes a chore when every slight brush of my wrist sends a chilling rush of him back through my body. I relive the moment over and over, replaying it in my head. I can feel everything again when my arms graze my jacket. Red rings and Black and Blue have never looked so beautiful to me. I touch my wrists with purpose just craving to feel it all again, feel something again. It made me think about who I am, what I want. How something so new can be this exciting. Something I have never done, would never do, but excitedly did. Makes me want to try new things, makes me believe in facing new situations head on, and I faced it with suppleness.

Mar 2, 2016

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