Letter to my boyfriend

Thank you so much for putting up with all my crap. No, seriously... THANK YOU. No one else has been there for me the way you have. Not even my own family. You gave me hope. You melted the ice around my heart. You made me feel safe to show emotions I haven't even allowed myself to feel for so long. Thank you for all you do. You listen to me rant about my life, despite how negative I can be, you listen patiently to it all -- because I go on and on -- and you bring a positive light to it. You comfort me, but you also help me to understand the situation and not take it so personally. Thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me all the times I gave you a reason not to trust me. Thank you for believing in me. You've made me a better person.

But my love... I want the best for you. I don't think that's me. Right now, I am weak and insecure. I am improving, but very slowly. A wonderful man like you doesn't deserve someone like me who is so insecure that she becomes jealous of every woman you come in contact with. You always laugh it off and I do too, but at some point I fear it will really begin to bother you and I don't blame you... Being accused all the time must get tiring. Listening to my problems all the time must be annoying. What am I doing for you? Why are you with me? Are the times we joke, laugh, debate deep topics, make love... Are they really worth the drama?

I love you. Because I love you... I think it would be best to let you go. But because I love you... I can't. And this is the biggest internal conflict I have ever felt in my entire life. You deserve me at my best. Not my worst.

Mar 13, 2016

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