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My father
When I was a child my father shot himself dead. I was the one who found his body. I am a grown adult now and will never forget the image of him lying there the blood gushing out. I have felt so many things towards him over the years. Now all I feel is anger. He was a coward to leave his family like that. The scariest part is I am so much like him. At least if I go few would miss me and no one would be left behind who depends on me.
Don't do to others what he did to you.
Jamie?
Please go to therapy in order to work on getting past this trauma and loss. Condolences to you.
I know how you feel!! But, don't lose hope. You were born for a larger purpose. Don't wait for others to recognize you or to acknowledge what you do. Just do the right thing and surge ahead. As for your dad, please be considerate toward him. You perhaps don't know everything he had to deal with which pushed him to take the extreme step of suicide. Good luck!!