What's wrong with me?
I'm so confused. I'm 16, live in Georgia, and have a problem with boys. Until this school year none of my girlfriends messed with black guys. This year all the sudden two of my very best friends started messing with black guys which means that I'm around them and their friends too. It's cool, I'm not racist, I'm just not as attracted to black guys as white guys. Im not a virgin, I've slept with 2 guys, and I'm not an easy type girl.
Three nights ago, I was chillin with my girlfriend Kelly and her boyfriend Trey, who's black, and we were drinking. Trey lit a joint and passed it to me and it was some mind-blowing weed. Before I knew it, I was seriously stoned and drunk. Kelly asked me if I wanted to see Trey's d***, acting like it was so big that I just had to see it. I reluctantly agreed and Trey waisted no time fishing it out of his shorts.
It honestly blew me away. I've always heard that black guys had big d**** but Trey's d*** was fat and long and it wasn't even hard yet. I couldn't imagine what it would look like hard. He started jacking his own self to get it hard and walked over to where I was sitting. Kelly took over jacking it and told me to touch it. I really didn't know how to say no so I did. It felt almost electric when I did, feeling like I was doing something bad.
Like I said, I'm really not attracted to black guys, looks or personality, but touching his very large and very black d*** sort of did something to me. Maybe it was the alcohol and weed, I don't know. I just gently stroked it up and down, my eyes glued to my Snow White hand betraying my own conscious. Trey moved forward and pulled me into him, kissing me passionately, my body responded and kissed him back. Before I knew why was happening, he was pulling my shorts off and I was laying back with his his enormous p**** resting between my legs.
Trey was pulling at my panties and I remember having one hand down there pulling them back up. He'd rub the end of his d*** on my soaked panties trying to f*** me but I just couldn't let myself go that far. Kelly was encouraging me to go with it but all I could see in my mind was my daddy telling me no. Trey had his d*** inside my panties and rubbing it up and down my p**** when I finally got the courage to just push his body off me and say no.
I just couldn't do it. I just said that I was afraid it would hurt Kelly and I's friendship but honestly I was just afraid. I put my shorts on and drove home. When I got home I fingered myself for like 10 seconds before having a huge o*****. I couldn't get the sight of Trey's d*** out of my head. I called Kelly and apologized, telling her that I was terrified and didn't know what to do. Half afraid of s******* up our friendship, partly afraid he'd tear my genitals with his huge d***, and partly concerned about getting pregnant by a black guy.
Kelly was totally understanding, saying that she'd been through all the same emotions herself. She said that she just wanted me to share in what she'd discovered as it had positively changed her life, that's all. She asked me to come back over the next day and she'd make up for it. After our phone call, I slipped my fingers inside myself once again and had another very fast o***** thinking about Trey and how close I was to being f***** by a black guy.
The next day I went back over Kelly's and Trey had a friend over with him. Trey walked up immediately and hugged me tight then kissed my cheek saying he was sorry for scaring me. He said, "Look girl, you are just so f****** beautiful I couldn't help myself." I blushed and said everything is cool, embarrassed that I'd freaked out like that. Trey introduced me to his friend Garrett who was a very tall black guy, maybe a few years older than the rest of us. I'm like 5'5" so Garrett's 6'6" frame towered over me. Like Trey, Garrett showered me with compliments and attention.
I can't say I found him to be attractive, but I did find myself obsessed with wondering if his d*** was huge like Trey's. That's terrible I know, I hate the idea of objectifying black guys like that but I just fell victim to the whole taboo of it. Trey lit up a joint and before long I had loosened up considerably. Kelly pulled me off to the side and asked me if I was ok. I said that I was, then she told me that Garrett thinks I'm way too pretty to like him and that he's thinking of going home. Not knowing exactly the appropriate way to respond, I just quickly said, "no, that'd be a shame, he's so cute. I ended up having s** with Garrett twice. It was fantastic. No I can't get my mind off black d***. It's like a taboo thing, I feel so naughty. I got weird and felt terrible afterward and haven't called Garrett but his d*** is all I'm thinking about. What's wrong with me?