Men Terrify Me
I've always had a complex about men and I'm currently in the midst of trying to get over it. They make me nervous and put me on absolute edge. When one even so much as brushes against me, I feel very uncomfortable. I can talk to them, sure, but if they get close to me, I panic. I'm okay with boys who are 10 and younger because I feel... more safe around them than I am with older males. Like... If they were to try and harass or hurt me, I'd be able to easily move away.
Now the stupid thing is... That I was raised in a household full of men. I have three older brothers, a dad, and then there's my mom, who I am very attached to. Because I'm the only girl, I often get warm treatment which involves a crap load of hugging and such. I try to avoid these types of actions especially when the person in question is my brothers or my dad. But anyways, you'd think that I'd be totally used to men rather than women.. However if you do believe that, then you are wrong.
Due to the fact that I'm the only girl and adopted because my mother failed to conceive a female three times, she kept me very close to her. I don't necessarily mind this, but I do think that my lack of interaction with my brothers is why I'm like this...
I don't read know how to get over this. I am not attracted to females. I know that for sure. I've had dreams of marrying a man and quite possibly having children, but if I don't change quickly, that won't happen. Besides, even if I do get at least a bit used to interactions with men, what on earth am I going to do when sexual intercourse is brought up?
You might be laughing at me for having a very dumb fear. However I'm honestly quite worried about this. It used to bug me up to the point where I even questioned my own sexuality. When a male my age touches me, even with genuinely friend intents, I get cold sweat or something..
I dunno what the point of this confession is... Maybe I just needed to get this off my chest.