I have feelings for my bully

I'm a guy and there's this popular girl I absolutely hate, she doesn't have any mental problems but she is so stupid and sounds like it too. Throughout the past few years she bullied me a lot. Beat me up a lot, called me gay all the time, saying I'm ugly, embarrassing me in front of my friends and popular people, on a level she made my life at school so bad. She gave me the reputation of a weak pathetic gay. But recently I've realised something that I'm so angry about and hate myself for it. In class when I see her with her tight denim shorts that point out her massive ass on and her pretty much see through top on, combined with her (also pains me to admit) hot body and face, it gave me such a big h****** and I can't stop fantasizing about her. I have masterbated while thinking of her and the sad thing is I know I am going to again. Yesterday someone saw me staring at her ass, (a really popular guy) and he laughed and shouted out across the classroom "(Me) is looking at (her)'s ass". Everyone laughed and after the class she boxed me on the nose and lip twice, and all of her friends were calling me a pervert. It's not looking good, i don't think I'm gonna get over her cause she is just so hot, and I know it's not supposed to be about looks but personality but it's just so difficult for me to view it that way. I don't know what to do

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  • The attraction you have towards your bully is a fairly common result when the bully is a female who is aggressively violent towards a male. She is stronger than you and can over power you. She makes you feel weak and humiliated. It is a normal reaction for a male in your situation. The chances of you hooking up with her in some kind of traditional relationship is unlikely. In order to get closer to her your only option is to continue being her punching bag and butt of all her jokes. What other people think and your so called reputation is something you will have to ignore. If you want to pursue some kind of sexual relation with her you will have to make yourself available to her humiliations jokes and physical punishments. When she gets physically violent with you she feels a form of excitement deep down inside of her. It makes her feel good to abuse you. This excitement may eventually turn into a sexual gratification for her. She may think about what she has done to you when she is at home masturbating in her bedroom. Start doing things that will make it easy for her to get physical with you. You will have to take some punches and kicks. When she does get violent with you tell her to take another punch. Let her know you are here for her to use and abuse. Make it clear that anytime she has an urge to release some tension she can release that rage on your body. If you let her kick you in the b**** that will increase your chances of getting with her because in the back of her mind she will be thinking about how she put her foot into your b**** or how her hand went into your b****. If you can take a little pain it will be worth it.

  • I wonder if it's like stockholm syndrome. You know where the victims form a bond with the kidnapper. Or like where the abused wife defends her husband.

    I was abused at school you just don't see it like that. You accept it in order to survive.

  • How can you be a victim when you don't care or understand all the hubbub

  • I got bullied in highschool. I'm a girl and when the queen bee of the in group sat next to me I was in awe. She acknowledged my existance. But there was a cost. She ran her hand up my leg and under my skirt. The cost was do whatever she commanded and I was "in". Resist and it was not just on the outer it was h*** from missing pencils and exercise books that would simply move. I became her victim and her coconspirator. If any of her subjects got out of line she would command the rest of us on what to do. When we wanted back in there would be a test. I had to take all my clothes off and stand naked while the rest of her gang looked and touched. It was so humilating but not as bad as being the victim.

    It still haunts me all these years later.

    Please I understand that sometimes it's easier just to be the victim but in the long term it eats away at you. Please please try to find a way to stop it. Best of luck.

  • You need to talk to a school counselor asap to get the bullying to stop. That is serious stuff. As far as fantasizing about her, I guess a lot of boys your age do that when they see anything female.

  • I got spit on by a cheerleader and home coming Queen. It happens.

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