More than a little scared, to be honest

My best friend from high school called this week saying she's about to leave her husband because she's sure he's going to kick her out eventually for cheating on him with a guy he works with and that was in their wedding. She lives in another state and has no friends or family there and wants to come and stay with me and my husband until she lands somewhere permanently. I want to help her, but she's already cheated on her husband with a friend of theirs, and I'm afraid that if she moves in here even for a little while she'll probably try to get with MY husband: she's always cheated on the men in her life, even from high school. I haven't told her yes or no yet, just that I have to talk to Michael about it.

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  • I hope you didn't. Many years ago, I worked with a girl who had a year old child and a husband and she let her best friend who also had a child about the same age move in. Well she doesn't have a husband anymore.

  • I wouldn't.

  • I would avoid this. She is not your responsibility. Don't let another woman near your husband. I say this as a woman sleeping with her best friend's husband. DON'T let her in your home. I am not even the type to sleep with a married man, and yet I am. I don't say that proudly, but just for the sake of being honest. This woman is already pre-disposed to cheating, so it's almost a safe bet she will put the moves on your husband. Maybe (hopefully) he would reject her advances, but why invite temptation into your home?

  • Thank you for your input, and for your candor. I think the things you wrote are, sadly, all correct. I didn't mention it, but the men she has cheated WITH over the years -- going all the way back to high school -- were virtually ALL married. Seriously, even in school she was dating married men. Not everybody knew that, or knew about them all, but I did. H***, she even dated the married father of one of our friends for two years while we were still in school. TWO YEARS. You also seemed to sense something about my husband's inclinations. As far as I know, Michael has never cheated on me, not even on a one-nighter. But I have to tell you that he has always had an unrequited "thing" for this woman, and I think it wouldn't take much of a push for him to tumble into her (and she has a FABULOUS body, and she loves to show it off, and she loves attention, and she's addicted to drama). If I asked his permission to have her move in temporarily, I know he would say yes and try to hide his excitement (and arousal). What I am thinking I'll do is call her today and say Michael said it's not a good time, or make it seem like it was his objection without saying he rejected the idea. I don't want to lie, but I'm not sure I can have this woman in my house with my husband. I would NEVER be comfortable leaving them alone together, and that would surely happen. And lastly, it's totally none of my business, but you really don't come across as the kind of woman who would have the relationship you described with the husband of a friend. I am NOT judging -- I know that's not my place -- but I want to say that you seem more at peace than any of the women I know who date married men, and my instincts are that while the s** life you have with him is wild and uninhibited and explosive, and exponentially better than what they have together, you are much much more than his s** partner: you're his sanity, his calm space, his sounding board, his foundation. Am I close? Again, thank you SO much.

  • Hello, I am glad to hear you are going to take steps to avoid taking this woman into your home. She's your friend, and if you want to keep her as a friend and keep your marriage it would be best for everyone if you keep her out of your home. More so in light of the fact that he's always had a thing for her, and she seemingly has a thing for married men.

    I volunteered the information about my relationship with my friend's husband, so of course you can ask questions. I really am not the type to cheat or help someone cheat. In fact I was cheated on by my ex husband. I didn't mean to enter into this relationship with my friend's husband, and I do hold some guilt over it. She trusts me implicitly, and I am breaking her trust all the time.

    You are correct. It isn't just about the s**, although the s** is incredible. We kind of fit a need we both had. I like being independent, but need intimacy and touch. He needs attention, affection, a friend, and kinky s**. Neither of us were getting what we needed, and now we are.

    There is no intention for him to leave her. I don't want to be a homewrecker. We're incredibly cautious to avoid being caught. I guess in life things are not always black and white. There's a grey area too. I am not making excuses. I know cheating is wrong. I just think there's more to every story.

    I hope your friend understands. You really need to protect what you have as it sounds like you're happy with your husband. <3

  • I'm very glad that Kimberly is not as smart, centered and aware as you: if she were, I would surely already be in huge trouble. I'm also grateful that she isn't selfless like you are: in fact, she's probably the most selfish person I've ever known. You seem more concerned for your friend's husband than for yourself. You didn't use the word "love" but I don't think you have to: it's kind of obvious that the two of you are in love with each other. I'm reading between the lines but only a little. Kimberly only considers her own needs and pleasure in going after a married man, where you are focused on HIS needs as well. You seem satisfied and actually happy being where you are, while Kimberly always wants "more" (you'll think I'm lying but she actually has that word tattooed on her body, among several other tattoos). I wasn't able to reach her by phone yesterday, but I will call again today and tell her no deal, that Michael isn't really on board and I don't want to push him. Thanks for sharing and I hope to have the chance to visit with you more. You've opened up a window on relationships that I didn't even know was there.

  • Apparently I underestimated Kimberly. I called and told her what I said I would tell her, but my little white lie blew up in my face. After we got off the phone yesterday morning, it seems she called Michael right away, cried about what I had said and done, and begged him to let her stay with us. Naturally, he just said yes to her, without even checking with me, and he didn’t tell me about it until he got home. This morning, I checked his phone when he was showering (he doesn’t know that I know his password), and I saw that he had talked to her for almost three hours the first time [she called him], and then about 90 minutes in the afternoon [he called her this time] and 30 minutes on his way home [he called her]. He texted her “Good night” after I went to bed. And then after that she sent him a text that I’m copying here. “Just wanted you to know how much I love you for letting me stay with you and how flattering it was for you to agree to that without discussing it with ‘her’ (I can’t even use her name right now Im so angry with her). Thats what I wanted and thats what you gave me. You wont be sorry, I promise you WONT be sorry. Im going to treat you like a f****** KING while Im living with you. Everything will be just like you want it. Everything. I cant wait to see you.” I’m going to try to set a limit on how long she can be here, but it’s obvious now that she knows how Michael feels about her, even though I thought she didn’t have a clue about it, and so whatever I say to get her to leave he’ll just veto because he will want her to stay. So things are about to get ugly. Anyway, thanks for your encouragement before.

  • Keep her out, your other relative who just got displaced has to come and there will be no room. You'll regret it otherwise

  • I think you're almost certainly right. "Regret" is a word that keeps coming to my mind. Thanks.

  • Forget Michael and eat her out.

  • LOL. :) She and I never did that, although I tried it with a few girls while I was in college. I didn't hate it, but it wasn't my thing. Thanks for the smile. :)

  • You can be her friend and help her, but be very clear with her about boundaries and rules in your home. Sure, she's going through a tough time but she brought this on herself. She can ruin her life and family, you need to protect yours. She needs to have a plan and you need to figure out how long you are comfortable with allowing her to stay in your home.

  • I've lived with a friend in my home. It ruins friendships. Also, even with a plan and a timeline things come up, and she might struggle to find work. Then she might struggle to save first and last on a place of her own. In the meantime you will not feel comfortable leaving them alone. You'll be suspicious of even innocent things. You'll feel your space is invaded, and a lack of privacy. And truthfully this woman may very well try to have s** with your husband.

  • If u let her n michael wil b up to his b**** within a week

  • I think all three of the above postings are very valid. In reverse order, (3) yes, if something happens between them, it could conceivably happen very quickly, because she is quite an operator (you really could not imagine how fast she is capable of working), and he is susceptible to her anyway, and has been for years, even though they've done nothing, (2) it's certainly possible that she could string out the process of finding a place to stay and a place to work, and she could do that intentionally, in order to remain close to my husband, and keep him within her reach, and (1) your idea of offering help that doesn't involve her staying with us has some real promise, perhaps giving her money for rent, food, etc., without exposing my husband to her snare, and alternatively requiring a fixed plan to be "out" is good. Thanks to all of you!

  • Ah, yet another soap opera read.... IF this scenario is genuine, all participants conspicuously overlooked the undefeatable foundation present here ; nature. Look, you may believe all the bases are covered, however only the wise know better. i.e. when nature draws a man & woman with healthy libido together, there isn't a whole h*** of a lot anyone has the capacity to do to alter or divert it. Unfortunately, nature [libido] is often stronger than even most preventative measures. It's a fundamental ; deal with it. Furthermore, the perspective I just provided free of charge should curb second guessing, which by the way is the most useless concept I know of regarding afterthought.

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