The GRAND Lier........

So, a few nights ago I got out of bed and I'm very tired and lonly. I decide to put on the show of a life time just to get some attention. Why? I can't answer that one for sure. Here is what I did. I thought about wanting to see what people would think if I got really hurt...........Like how would someone respond and what would the do. For some reason I equate getting attention with being hurt.......almost as if I was saying what you see on the outside is what I am on the inside. I'm going thru alot of stress in my life and I guess I just had to know somethings. I'm searching maybe? I looked at my son and knew he would be well taken care of as he slept in the play pin next to me. So I got up and went into the bathroom. There I cut my nose open and let it bleed for a bit. Then I called my bf who lives close by and acted disorented. She called 911 and ran over to my place. I was on the floor with blood comming out of my nose and I was shaking. (all the time nothing is wrong) I wondered if I would be able to keep up the act but I did. You know I even smashed my nose on the side of the table so when whoever came would believe I hit my nose on the table as I so called passed out. Turns out many people do care about me and one person does not give a s*** about me. I was in the hospital for a few days as the doc's, family, and friends chased my story. IF anyone knew of this they would think I was insaine and or disown me. My bf got two tickets driving me home from the hospital after they discharged me.......... She almost went to jail because she was driving on suspended license! I am praying now that the judge throws all the tickets out. I was also praying to God how do I start to correct what I did? He said confess what you did on a place like this site..........So I am. After alll was said and done I did learn somethings I wanted to know but I also lied to everyone and that is wrong. I can't believe I did what I did and I'm not sure why I really did it.........sometimes I think I did it because I just wanted to, other times its because of my past issues and I felt that I needed a trip to the hospital.........for rest and comfort..........I'm so lonly and I know that no one person can fill this void I have. Only God can and I don't want to or am afraid to do the work he wants me to do to get that void filled. Is there any hope for me? Am I a total loser or crazy?

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  • this all way too long! do it all over again in a shorter version. the confession and that comment above. no one wants to read all this. what were you thinking?

  • girl girl girl, where do i start? no your not a loser or crazy your just going about things in the wrong. first of all your not a doctor and u realy dont know what would have happen if u cut a main vein and blead to death or hurt you self really serious to the point that you really wished you wouldnt have dont something as silly as that. to me it just looks like your seeking attenton in the wrong way. 1st and foremost you need 2 think about yr child who did not ask 2 be here. 4 get the fact the he \\\\she would b well taking care of if something happened to you . he \\\\she in not no ones elses responabilty but yrs. lets face it , u choose the lay down and you got pregnant. but putting the baby on someone else isnt fair. plus a child craves a mothers love. u dont need any1 else in this world to care about you or show u how much the love you. your baby gives you all of that. i no theres certain thiings that a child cant provide, and in those cases have someone on the side but make sure u definately protect yourself and make sure you dont catch felings. you can make a person fall head over heels for you. you just have to play your cards right. theres someone for everyone. just be careful in your selection. dont be desperate and dont bring them 2 your house. u dont want the baby exposed to different men unless its gonna be long term. and stop hurting yourself. its not worth it. i know you can find better thing to do with your time. and keep in contact with people in your life. go places with them, do things together, call them every once in a while, have a dinner and invite them over. put the name in a hat an see who house everyone gonna be at for dinner next week. have a movie night. girl i could go on and on. just keep your head on straight and stay connected. stay focus and i know u said something about god but i wouldnt force anyone to go to church and hear the word if thier not ready 2 commit. soooooo just try that and see what happens. good luck. im rooting for ya. *hugs*

  • Too long. Didn't read.

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