GIVE YOUR DAUGHTER SPACE...

I've been married for almost 4 years in October, high school sweat hearts with my wife since freshman year. We each started from zero type of love you see in the movies! Her parents never liked me because I came from nothing. "I stole her". We dated behind parents backs wrote letters anything you name it. Sneaked her out. We both struggled financially for some time her parents never wanted me for their daughter because I had "nothing to offer". As time passed I went to a university and busted my b**** off to become who I am today, Chemical engineer. We have our own careers no kids, travel, eat at expensive places, she has it all! I paid for her school she's a neonatal nurse you know the ones that deliver the babies. We bought our first home together and decided to move a bit far from both our parents for the sake of privacy and stability. Her father whom I've never disrespected still until his day gives me his back. Although they are always welcome into my home I try to avoid their presence in my home. He will do anything to get attention from his daughter (my wife). Recently my father in laws wife left for a trip she's now been away for three weeks! He's desperate to find my wife's attention that he now is enjoying having my wife cook meals clean the house do his laundry anything you name it. It bothers me because I work long hours travel a lot, rarely see my wife! When I get home all I ask for is a home cooked meal & a clean household. These 3 weeks have been miserable for me. I come to a dirty household no food or lunch packed my work clothes has been up to me, which I have no problem with but she's my wife not his! He had her to himself for 18 years now it's my turn. On the weekends when I'm not working or decide to take a day off & work from home I want to spend time with my wife and attend Sunday mass, go to the beach , watch a movie , out to eat at a downtown luxurious restaraunt, fishing, a ride on the ferry, a nice escape to a hotel, make love to my wife!, but for any little reason it always involves a phone call from "dad" demanding she go eat with him or attend mass in the middle of our time spent together it ticks me off and pushes my buttons that I don't get hungry Or enjoy the time alone. I don't tell her don't go but I know she sees it bothers me so therefore I've been working the whole 7 days and haven't been able to make it home for dinner. simply becuase after dinner she will leave and make the 45 minute drive to cook for her dad or fold his clothes. When my clothes is still dirty , we haven't talked about each others day, haven't been able to make love for 4 weeks, she's distant and it's bothering me. I got a Degree for her parents to just stop making assumptions yet they don't want to get to know me. Their daughter is living the life she always dreamed has her career she's been wanting a hard workin husband, a gorgeous home in a privately & gated community. Constantly traveling cars, purses, make up, nails, hair,. For goodness sakes we have two corvettes his hers sitting in our garage!!!!!!! What more do her parents want?!?!?!?! Do I stay quiet bring it up knowing she will say "he's my dad" bull crap but hey "I'm your husband".. oh btw she's been gone for the entire day now as I sit here and rub our dogs head...

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  • Your living the life load and flick with your old in law tell em to move the freak out your way or you'll cap him on

  • Kill you father in-law! It's the only way to be happy!

  • In my opinion ma dude speak up, she needs to see you've done everything to try and get along with your in laws& their just not having you! The fact that y'all moved away for a reason should let her see that you did all of it to have her and not worry about what people say. But then again if she didn't love you since the beginning when you had nothing she wouldn't be stuck around meanwhile her family just bashed you and looked at you different for coming from nothing. That degree wasn't for them it was for you...

  • You and your wife definitely need to have a conversation, not with just each other but begin a new one with her family. Material objects and money are all well and good, but nothing replaces family. Noted here that not all family is always good.. But this situation with your wife, it's clear she wants a relationship with them. You must respect that and allow her to see them. You mention that they have not liked you, maybe it's time that you extend an olive branch and swallow some pride and along with your wife have a talk with her parents. Invite them for dinner, go to mass with them whatever.. you don't have to be their best friends, but getting along may help ease some tensions. There's going to come a time when her parents are much older and will need more help - you can't control that. Your parents are going to need help as well. It's going to take time to smoothe things over. You say you got a degree for them. You should say got a degree for YOU. And she got a degree for herself. This shouldn't be a competition. You need to be yourself, don't flaunt items .. your wife married you for the person you are. Now you may have arrangements in your marriage where she does the housework etc. But you are seemingly not helpless and you make a decent living. If your place is messy, you have money - hire a housekeeper. You're not helpless, you can order in food or cook it yourself. Talk to your wife and let her know that you understand that she needs to spend time with her family, but figure out a schedule where you two can spend time as well. And talk to her about really trying to figure out how to have better relationships with your parents. It's going to require work to figure out how everyone can get along. But that's the thing about relationships, they are always a work in progress.

  • They are my parents & my line of defense will be "yes sweetie but you are my wife" when I get home from work you should be home not out spoiling her fathers nonsense knowing he's doing it for extra attention, jealousy & demanding all her love becuase he doesn't like me. This dude never will! It's not a competition any more he has had a decent job as well but when he met me he'd downgrade me because all of his sons work in the same company with him for years. When I was struggling to find a job he'd never offer to help knowing just for act of humanity&kindness. He's the one who's always been the type to flaunt but guess what I can flaunt without any nods or assumptions now I know what I have I don't need to flaunt. Her dad has just always picked on me because why? Well damn I would love to know why he can't be a grown up and just get along with me for gods sake

  • It sounds like a very contentious situation and she's already on the defense the moment you bring it up. It sounds terribly frustrating and painful. Think you need to just keep trying. Because the alternative is just going to be more frustration. Maybe you can have a conversation (yes, another one) where you tweak your approach. Start by saying you need her help. You understand that her relationship with her family is important. And with them being a distance away it's hard to find balance where she can spend time with you and them. Maybe express to her that it is important for her dad to accept you as his son in law and her husband. It's really important that he respect you and when he comes over spend a little time with me. Show you that he wants to get to know you. It doesn't have to be the whole evening, but just 20 min and maybe it can grow from there. You need her to encourage both her dad and you and to ask that her dad try. That it would be very enormously appreciative. Maybe when he comes over maybe you can find a past time (aside from football) that enjoys doing and you two can do together. You made mention about how come he needs so much of her time while your MIL is away. I have to say, what I notice even with my own father is that some men become helpless almost when the wife is away. They suddenly are unable to function. But most of all, maybe they are just very lonely. I've noticed how some men who have lost their wives jump very quickly into another relationship and it's not for s**, but mostly companionship. But that's just assumption, that's not necessarily your FIL's story. Hope you all can figure this out sooner than later so you can all be a happier family.

  • I'm not flaunting what I have I'm saying I put in a s*** ton of hard work and effort to be where I am today for my wife to have the love her parents wanted her to have. Regardless of my financial situation they still don't accommodate with the simple fact that we are still together. Trust me I've tried everything when football season starts I constantly like to have small get together s with co workers, friends, &family her dad (my in law) is a huge Houston Texan fan and that's why we root here in Houston Tx, I've always invited him to come over he will come for his daughter and totally ignore me. I find that disrespectful in my own household. They should acknowledge the simple fact that all I want is to get along for once. Yes your right I can hire a "maid" but that's not my line of work that's why it's 50/50 in a relationship & marriage I'm not saying I don't cook or clean but like any man would love a home cooked meal after a long day at work. I may not work in the hot sun all day long but I am always up and down up and down non stop outside and inside long 12 hour days sometimes I just want to come home to my wife cooking something good in the kitchen. When we first purchased our home she chose it I had nothing to do with it "happy wife , happy life" she knew the house was in the upper suburbs, gated, huge, it takes a lot of cleaning I'm not saying I lay around all day but, that's all I ask for. At the end of the day she has the life she always wanted I love my wife o respect my wife and have always supported her assumptions and misconceptions. Now the degree yes sadly to say I got it for them to stop pushing buttons making me feel like crap because I had no degree. I also got it for myself your 100% in tact with everything. My wife is constantly working so am I but at the end of the night we sit and talk I just feel like I can't bring up the topic because she gets very loud, demanding & as if I can't speak upon the subject. Her line of defense will be

  • This is not fair to you. The same type of loneliness because of familial togetherness destroyed my marriage. I tried to speak up, but my husband wouldn't have it. Ironically, he never sees his stupid drunken mean brother anymore, go figure. She's being unfair to you, speak up unless this closed minded father in law is a convalescent.

  • Apparently it seems as if my marriage is slowly devouring it's time and presence to loneliness and family tightness which will destroy our home. Lately she's been distant won't let me touch her, caress her, kiss her, etc. simply because she's too worried about her dad not t having her mom to cook and clean for him when he's a grown man and can look after himself!!

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