I'm starting to scare myself
I'm reluctant to say anything because this is technically public. But since i will remain anonymous, i'm going to be very straightforward.
I never used to think about harming other people, or what it would be like to cut into a person with a knife. Neither was I a fan of horror movies. But lately that's beginning to change with the Halloween season. I catch myself drifting off in thought, thinking about what i would do after i murder my parents. Sometimes i sit down on the couch and think about the perfect murder all morning, or until i'm bothered. My family is realizing my head has been in the clouds, I've been slacking on school, and the only person I've told all of this to, is my boyfriend. He says i scare him, but he'll do what he can to help. I don't know if that means he'll help if I do decide to go with these thoughts, or a promise to put me in a nut ward. Either way, i'm starting to scare myself with how frequent i think about murdering someone. Mostly my family, since i assume they would be the easiest to go after.
I'm not here for attention or to brag. I want your serious opinion on what i should do. Kill someone to satisfy my thoughts, or seek professional help. I'm at a loss. I can't talk to a family member without them probably involving the police. And i think my boyfriend is an inch away from breaking up with me.