About my "stepdad"...

When my mom devorced my biological father, we starting going to karate and my mom fell in love with the head master of the dojo. I thought it was just some crush and I didn't pay much mind to it, until he started spending the night in OUR house.
I was kinda cautious cuz, dude, I was what? Like 10 at the time and I just got in school suspension for "punching" some kid.
And this man is STILL and forever WILL BE a stranger that just randomly walked into my life uninvited.

A month passed and the man proposed to my mother, she said yes, so they were engaged. Still calling this man by his first name or his karate title 'Soki', somehow got on his nerves cuz he expects me AND MY 8 YEAR OLD BROTHER to all of a sudden call him Dad. A title he DID NOT and WILL NEVER earn.
(...Damn sorry I'm kinda ranting...)

Skip a year later, we all move into a new house together. My mom confronts me saying, "...he was a military solidier and has PTSD..." and, "I know you have misaphonia but he chews his tounge subconsciously..." (which is annoying as f****** h***.)
And last but not least, "...you must call him dad cuz it hurts his 'feelings' when you dont...". I love my mother dearly etc. But he was not the right choice.

I got transferred to a different school called Fredrickson Elementary. A good half a year or so later, I get another in school suspension saying that I have "beaten" some kid cuz they were kicking my instrument's case.
(One of the many many many reasons why I absolutely despise the Bethel District with my very soul)

My mom starts working 12 hour shifts and sleeps during the day more often. HE starts trying to get me to have some quality time with him, but whenever I TRY he starts chewing his f****** tounge, and being as I have ways to cope with my misaphonia I didn't have those resources at my desposal at the time.
So I just straight up run to my room, slam the door, lock it, curl up on my bed blasting loud radio music, while furiously scratching at my ears screaming "STOP STOP STOP" for a good several hours.

Skipping around to middle school, I have become more distant from everyone mostly HIM cuz he was the one separating MY mother from me and MY brother. I keep thinking 'everything is temperary it'll all end soon', each day to the point where I use my house key to "cut" my self. I liked to draw, yes, so I drew pictures of me with a knife hovering over his bed while he was sleeping. And other drawings of the same calibur.

I also start talking to people online in Amino.

My friends on Amino are like my second family.

But, one day He found my drawing while I was at school, and told me to stop doing those scribbles of potential murder, because that's how I'll end up in an asylum or some stupid s*** like that. Of course I never tell anyone about my fantasies of killing him and everyone at school.

When I came home from school one day I dislocated my left patella 45 degrees to the right, completely out of the socket, while I was on the floor clutching my leg screaming, HE was just standing there staring at me. I called 911 myself. From that day on he didn't give two ratty s**** about my well being, because the recommended time of recovery was at least a good month or so, but NO. I FORCED MYSELF TO LEARN HOW TO WALK AGAIN BECAUSE I WAS AN HONOR ORANGE BELT, WITH SO EXCITED DUMBASS REPUTATION THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT. I FORCED MYSELF TO WALK BECAUSE OF HIS SELFISH NEEDS OF HIGH STATUS IN THE DOJO.

It's funny cuz there was a number ONE Rule stating that THERE IS NO DATING OF ANY KIND PROHIBITED IN OR OUT OF THE DOJO, BECAUSE IT DISTRACTING. BUT the funny part is that he was dating my mother, therefore braking his OWN RULE.

hahahahahahaha

Finally, and I knew this was coming, he starts cheating on my mother in January. I could tell because he'd come home with some hickeys, later than usual, and smelling like a different person. We eventually moved yet everything still felt so damn forgien to me, my mom's touch, my brother's social interaction with me, I even resented and thought about killing my grandmother because she was being too pushy, and trying to control every aspect of my life.

I keep having these flash backs to where I keep scolding my self that I should've done this and that, or I should've done that instead of this.

Thanks to those who read my long ass rant/vent, I'm kinda glad I found this site just by searching 'what would happen if i killed my "stepfather".'. ... sooo yeah thanks for reading my rant and I don't even know if it makes sense but yeah. Thanks.

10 Comments

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  • F****** illiterate troll that can not even spell the word DIVORCED.

  • You sound like a selfish brat. If you were my child i would have giveing you the longest and hardest spanking on your bratty bare bottom ever. You sound like most spoilt brats now a days. Pants or panties down spanking would teach yous respect.....

  • You are neither who nor what you say you are. You may be fooling yourself, but you aren't fooling anyone else.

  • Sure it makes sense... You sound like a fairly typical, self absorbed, irrational b****, a wanna be emotional train wreck. Who thinks that being selfish, irresponsible, and delusionally narcissistically is a good way to GO THROUGH LIFE. I recommend you just get one, instead.

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  • It is okay to feel this way. Everything seems too soon for you and it is understandable. You don't have to hate on him. If he didn't care about his relationship with your mother he wouldn't have cared about your existence either. Think about your mom. She deserves to have someone by her side. Don't She? You deserve to have a father. Don't you? Every child needs both parents. You're lucky. Your mother made the right choice to marry someone who cares about her children. Give him a chance and give yourself a chance to make each of your lives better. To be frankly speaking, it will take some time but things will begin to get better. Please try making your domestic life better. Try not to let your anger intervene with your family relationship.

  • You had an unique opportunity of getting a step father that it is a Karate Master and that wanted you to call him dad....

    You are so f****** lucky !!!

    Most of us get step fathers that are drugged, drunk men that beat the s*** out of our mothers and us.

    Your mother is not your girlfriend, it is just your mother. Get over it !!!

    That guy wanted to be your friend and you are just a j***. If you had an evil f****** step dad you would understand what I mean.

    Try to mend with him, became his friend (IT WILL NOT BE EASY), forget this lunatic ideas of killing the guy or other people. Soon you will be 18 and you can get a job, make money and travel around the world and have fun meeting girls and nice people. Go to Europe, Latin America and you will understand life is much larger than your s*** hole.

    WAKE UP TO LIFE DUDE !!

  • WISE DUDE !!

  • Blame and hate in you

  • You can't choose who your mom cares about, or who she lives with, or who she marries. You can certainly tell her how you feel................ONCE. And then you have to let it go. You don't get to run her life for her.

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