Married life is difficult

My wife and I have had some rough road on our marriage journey. We have only been married 4.5 years and it’s been difficult at times. My wife has never had a problem trusting me until she found p*** on my phone and I lied to her about It. This was 4 years ago. Ever since that day, things felt like the end of the world. About 6-8 months later, I got emotionally interested in another woman and lied to her about that as well when she found out. She then found more p*** on my phone maybe 9 months after the emotional episode. But this time, I was honest about it and told her I was looking at it again. I hadn’t looked at p*** since then and that was 3 years ago. Fast forward to last week, I was so f****** h**** and it was like I couldn’t help myself. My wife has sent me naked pictures of herself so I can m*********. I love her pictures and I love j********** to them. But I just got this urge. And so i jacked off to some p***. Then this evening, we were having a rough day to begin with. Her and I had an attitude with each other all day. I sat down at the table while she was in the kitchen making dinner. And looked at me dead in the face and said “ I don’t trust you” and I just looked at her and was said “whoa! Where did that come from” she then goes on to say that I have been treating her mean today, I’ve been telling my dad about my marriage(bc she looked at my messages with my dad on my phone), and she is low key accusing me of looking at p*** again bc she found emails in my spam folder of p*** things(I don’t really know what she saw) but she asked me again if I had watched it and I said yes. I watched some about a week ago. And then she just went silent.

So I’ve written all of that to say that I don’t know what to do. I feel like this is the last straw for her. Our s** life is pretty terrible. She doesn’t care about s** and I’m h**** all the time(that’s what she says)
I understand that my wife doesn’t like it when I look at p***. I did make a choice to watch it even though I know it disrespected her feelings about it. I don’t know why I am even writing this. I just want s**. I want sexual intimacy with her. And she just won’t give it to me. And she is horrible at foreplay. She never comes on to me or anything like that. thanks for reading this. Sorry it was so long.

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  • My 1st marriage was similar. Your future will be a $exless marriage, you will grow deeper in frustration, anger and resentment. I should not have stayed with the warden so many years. Happiest day of my life was the day I walked out and filed for divorce. I chose wiser the next time and it's not work, it's fun and I get laid A LOT

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