He said no. Now yes???

He said he wouldn't marry me. He said it was off the table. That he had been married once before and that was enough. I understood but felt like I was being punished for other people's actions I had nothing to do with. I'd been married once before too and it was rough. But for this man, I would wholeheartedly take the leap. I put myself out there and asked him on our fourth anniversary to marry me. Because I'm in love with him. Always have been from day one. It was a firm "no"-- and it's been a little squirrely between us ever since. Then the money comes. A nice sum. It was unexpected but very welcome. But, now that it's here, he suddenly "might be able to entertain the thought". Well, I'm starting to get a little s***** about it. What would have been the difference in saying yes 6 months ago? Yeah. Okay.

It's not that I am holding anything over his head. It's just nagging me that he himself wasn't exactly riding on high financially when I asked and I asked anyway. And got shut down. Firmly. So apparently, men aren't the only ones that have to worry about this issue.

Dammit, I don't want to be loved IF/WHEN. I want to be loved NOW where I'm at. Regardless of what I am or what I'm not. I'm tired of this narrative in my life. GODDAM F****** TIRED OF IT.

Aug 19, 2020

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  • Move on! Red flags! It's going to be so so hard to survive later when you're broke and everyone knows you were stupid for blowing it all on trying to force/ buy love from him.
    Thanks but your true colors came out and i have to find the partner i want and
    You wasted so much time! Sad but do the right thing and I'll be SO proud of you!

  • You answered your own question: the difference is the nice sum you got. 6 months ago you didnt have it, now you do, so the answer changed.

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