I love my husband, yet I met another man whom I have feelings for

Hi... So, my title isn't really good because I have no idea how to phrase this what I am going through... Please don't judge before reading my full story.

5 years ago I met my soulmate and we are very happily married now, for 2 years already. There is nothing wrong with our relationship, but I do think there is something wrong with me.

I was commenting on a group about a subject and got a text message 5 minutes later from a guy. I didn't think much of it so I answered and we started having a conversation about random things.

I felt, (and later he said the same thing) a connection with him. Nothing I can explain -- and not the same connection I felt when I met my husband. Almost like the universe wanted our paths to cross at this time in our lives. He is divorced with no kids and I am married (no kids yet). I told him from the get go I was married, met my soulmate etc.

So, this relationship was purely friendship. And it really was. That night (after talking to this guy) I couldn't sleep, felt really h**** so I masturbated thinking about this new guy! I mean, how messed up am I? I couldn't get there so it took longer than usual which was unusual for me...

The next morning I woke up early and felt I needed to confess to this guy that I masturbated thinking of him. Funny thing is, he did exactly the same! So.... Then I made my mistake. We started having a phone s** session...

We both promised that we wouldn't do it again because it is wrong, especially coming from me. We continued talking and we were both very good, just being friends. In the meantime, we still felt this connection and both of us couldn't explain it. Especially where we were in our lives, well only me actually.

A full moon came and I was the one who caved. I was thinking about this guy a lot, and I couldn't stop myself so I initiated another phone s** session which lasted a few hours from full moon rising late into the night.

I felt like s*** immediately after we ended our conversation, and went to bed with the idea tomorrow is another day. I did, however ask myself and this guy for forgiveness in dragging his ass into this s*** (even if it does take two to tango, this is all my fault! I am the bad one here), and I promised myself and him that I will never cave like that.

I told him the truth; I told him I was developing feelings for him because of this connection and it's wrong. Remember, since our first encounter until it ended, the time frame this happened in was a little over a week. He agreed with what I said and then we kind of stopped talking to each other. I think he decided to leave me be because he knew I was struggling with my feelings (especially since I still love my husband very much and would like a family with him).

Two days went by before he sent me a text. I decided to ignore his messages because I couldn't trust myself. Now, two weeks later I still feel that connection even though we haven't spoken once. I still have feelings for this guy, yet I know I won't ever make the mistake of crossing the line with him for the 3rd time (phone s** part).

I miss him and I miss talking to him, and even though I made a mistake, I still consider him my friend. Now, my problem is the following;

1. How can I have feelings for my husband AND another person if I know my husband is my soulmate?

2. I might not have physically cheated, but did I cross the line?

3. Is there a possibility that my husband and this guy could be candidates for my twin flame and soulmate? Let me elaborate on this quick; My husband I know is my soulmate and I thought this guy could be my twin flame. But, could it be reversed? That I actually found my twin flame in my husband and this guy my soulmate?

Does this even make sense? I really just need someone elses perspective on this. It's driving me insane.

Please help me?

6 Comments

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  • If as you say you love your husband then there should not be a problem. I think you need to ask the question as to weather you really love your husband or not. This new guy may just be a passing thing, the excitement of having a new lover, that kind of thing. You may have to let this thing run its course and get it out of your system.

  • I think you're trying too hard to fit these very important relationships into into a pre-planned structure with vague-to-meaningless terms. You obviously have some incredibly powerful feelings (and deeeeeeep desires) for your "other guy" and you owe it to yourself AND HIM to explore those passions. PlEASE rent a motel room for at least two mornings and afternoons and find out for yourself (a) how this other guy's package fits your pocket and (b) what he's capable of doing with his mouth beyond talking on the phone.

  • If my wife told me about this I would ask if she wants to try a poly relationship. You should tell your husband he might be open to the idea.

  • MOM!! Does Dad know about this?? If he finds out I will have to move out of the basement!

  • Excellent advice on the previous comment. What you are feeling is not uncommon at all. For many, myself included, it often involves a person from work. Your marriage is great but you spend eight hours a day in close cooperative contact with another person of the opposite s**. Your focus is on business goals and teamwork to achieve them. Sparks of attraction can fly! At home it can be two tired people making dinner, watching T.V. and falling asleep on the couch. Try going on an emotional fast from the other fellow. Delete him from your messages. Don't let your emotional fantasies sink your marital bliss. Be deliberate in focusing on your husband, especially in a sexual way. In a month or two you might be surprised how well things are going in your thoughts and actions. Texting creates opportunities for trouble to grow. Shut the other guy off.

  • I think you're looking too deep into this. You said that you loved your husband but that you also have feelings for a guy you've never met but have had sexual fantasies about and an emotional affair with him. You're getting the cyber and phone version of the guy....not the real guy. He's hoping to hook up with you and you feel excited because a man wants you...a new man who you don't have a routine with, whereas you do with your husband. The new guy is causing endorphins but those are only temporary.

    Part of loving someone, once the newness goes away, is making a choice to continue to love and be faithful to that person. Love changes. For my wife and I, we have romantic times but we are also each other's cheerleaders and helpers. I'd never want to throw that away.

    Watch the movie Take this Waltz. It shows a woman in your situation and how confused she is. I'm urging that you follow her path but only yours. If you leave your husband for this man who you know only online or by phone, you may find out that you don't love him like you do your husband. You and your husband have memories, inside jokes, dreams together, etc. You'd throw that away while damaging your reputation in your social circles. Plus, if you do get with this guy, what are you going to do the next time HE meets someone online?

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