I love my husband, yet I met another man whom I have feelings for
Hi... So, my title isn't really good because I have no idea how to phrase this what I am going through... Please don't judge before reading my full story.
5 years ago I met my soulmate and we are very happily married now, for 2 years already. There is nothing wrong with our relationship, but I do think there is something wrong with me.
I was commenting on a group about a subject and got a text message 5 minutes later from a guy. I didn't think much of it so I answered and we started having a conversation about random things.
I felt, (and later he said the same thing) a connection with him. Nothing I can explain -- and not the same connection I felt when I met my husband. Almost like the universe wanted our paths to cross at this time in our lives. He is divorced with no kids and I am married (no kids yet). I told him from the get go I was married, met my soulmate etc.
So, this relationship was purely friendship. And it really was. That night (after talking to this guy) I couldn't sleep, felt really h**** so I masturbated thinking about this new guy! I mean, how messed up am I? I couldn't get there so it took longer than usual which was unusual for me...
The next morning I woke up early and felt I needed to confess to this guy that I masturbated thinking of him. Funny thing is, he did exactly the same! So.... Then I made my mistake. We started having a phone s** session...
We both promised that we wouldn't do it again because it is wrong, especially coming from me. We continued talking and we were both very good, just being friends. In the meantime, we still felt this connection and both of us couldn't explain it. Especially where we were in our lives, well only me actually.
A full moon came and I was the one who caved. I was thinking about this guy a lot, and I couldn't stop myself so I initiated another phone s** session which lasted a few hours from full moon rising late into the night.
I felt like s*** immediately after we ended our conversation, and went to bed with the idea tomorrow is another day. I did, however ask myself and this guy for forgiveness in dragging his ass into this s*** (even if it does take two to tango, this is all my fault! I am the bad one here), and I promised myself and him that I will never cave like that.
I told him the truth; I told him I was developing feelings for him because of this connection and it's wrong. Remember, since our first encounter until it ended, the time frame this happened in was a little over a week. He agreed with what I said and then we kind of stopped talking to each other. I think he decided to leave me be because he knew I was struggling with my feelings (especially since I still love my husband very much and would like a family with him).
Two days went by before he sent me a text. I decided to ignore his messages because I couldn't trust myself. Now, two weeks later I still feel that connection even though we haven't spoken once. I still have feelings for this guy, yet I know I won't ever make the mistake of crossing the line with him for the 3rd time (phone s** part).
I miss him and I miss talking to him, and even though I made a mistake, I still consider him my friend. Now, my problem is the following;
1. How can I have feelings for my husband AND another person if I know my husband is my soulmate?
2. I might not have physically cheated, but did I cross the line?
3. Is there a possibility that my husband and this guy could be candidates for my twin flame and soulmate? Let me elaborate on this quick; My husband I know is my soulmate and I thought this guy could be my twin flame. But, could it be reversed? That I actually found my twin flame in my husband and this guy my soulmate?
Does this even make sense? I really just need someone elses perspective on this. It's driving me insane.
Please help me?