It took years for me to find out what I am
When I was old enough to have a bike I rode all over the neighborhood after school and on weekends. I found this place on the other side of the public golf course where gay guys met to kiss and f***. They hid in the underbrush, you could find these places that had been cleaned out and I would sneak around so that I could watch. While the gays kissed and sucked c*** and f***** I masturbated into the dirt. I'm sure now that I was seen but back then no one ever called me out.
Much later, after living a couple of more decades I came across this pizza parlor in the lower end of town. You could see young gay guys hold hands and from time to time kiss. I got hard fast. I ordered a beer and pizza and watched. One day the guy that managed the place called me out and told me that some of his clients didn't like being stared at. I could go someplace else to get my kicks. I felt embarrassed, I had already masturbated in my pants and I had to get up and cover the wet spot to walk out.
I was outside just standing there and the manager came over to me and asked me if I liked boys to let him know, to tell him what I liked and he would find me a boy who needed rent money. He told me to go to this motel and check in and text him the number and he would send a boy over. The boy was really a young man, one I had seen in the pizza parlor before. He was all business, accused me of not getting hard enough, he told me he didn't have time to sit around and to get on the bed and he would earn his money and leave. He wasn't gentle, far from it, he intentionally made it hurt. 'You like that old man?' He f***** me and left me wet and left after collecting his money.
Up to that time I didn't know I was a bottom and I wanted s** with an Alpha type. The manager of the pizza parlor made the arrangements, sometimes the same Alpha came and other times other Alpha's came, always to take care of business and get their money. I met this man at a convention, several years older than me, and he liked to kiss and play around before taking care of business. I liked that, it reminded me of those men I saw when I was a kid. No money involved, just enjoying s**. I found what I liked.