after everything

Even after everything, the pain, the humiliation, not speaking for a year now, I can't let go and I can't move on. I'm afraid I will always be stuck here wondering "what if". What if I went to work that night and you were aleep when I got home? What if you didn't hit me? What if we moved together afterall? What if we were still engaged? Sometimes I still shut my eyes and pray that things will be back the way they were. I'm terrified that you were the love of my life and now you're gone. But mostly I'm terrifiedthat even after everything I would take you back in a second. Forgiven. Forgotten. No questions asked. I'm terrified of loving you forever.

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