When I first learned to tie my shoes

When I first learned to tie my shoes (kindergarten or first grade--the normal age) my mother was very impatient when I didn't get it right away. I don't remember the exact conversation, but I remember crying because she was going too fast and I just couldn't follow. Instead of slowing down and explaining, she kept bullying me, and the image I carry with me is her leaning into me with a mad expression and staring me in the face and saying, "TRY!"

I've always done well in school and thought of myself as a smart person. Now I have a job where I have to pay attention to details and think more on the spot. And if someone disagrees with me about a fact (day, date, etc.) I freeze and go back to that powerless space. It's like I don't know how to defend myself in that way, because I was victimized on that day. And I worry that people will think I'm stupid. I've never worried that in my life before this job.

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4 Comments

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  • Awww, you are permantley screwed up cause your mommy yelled at you? Get some real problems b****, or get some velcro shoes!

  • you can get counseling for things like the freezing

  • I was bullied by my mother my whole childhood; I have many similar memories of my own mother. I turned out the same way; I have never been able to defend myself because I just freeze up. Everyone thinks I'm weak because I don't fight back, but they don't understand that I just can't. I am defending myself in my head, but the words just can't can't come out. I hate that about myself, especially because I am actually a really strong, smart, talented, intellegent person. I don't know what to do about it either, but it is nice to hear that someone else has the same problem. Best wishes...

  • seek professional help
    <3

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