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When I first learned to tie my shoes
When I first learned to tie my shoes (kindergarten or first grade--the normal age) my mother was very impatient when I didn't get it right away. I don't remember the exact conversation, but I remember crying because she was going too fast and I just couldn't follow. Instead of slowing down and explaining, she kept bullying me, and the image I carry with me is her leaning into me with a mad expression and staring me in the face and saying, "TRY!"
I've always done well in school and thought of myself as a smart person. Now I have a job where I have to pay attention to details and think more on the spot. And if someone disagrees with me about a fact (day, date, etc.) I freeze and go back to that powerless space. It's like I don't know how to defend myself in that way, because I was victimized on that day. And I worry that people will think I'm stupid. I've never worried that in my life before this job.
Awww, you are permantley screwed up cause your mommy yelled at you? Get some real problems **, or get some velcro shoes!
you can get counseling for things like the freezing
I was bullied by my mother my whole childhood; I have many similar memories of my own mother. I turned out the same way; I have never been able to defend myself because I just freeze up. Everyone thinks I'm weak because I don't fight back, but they don't understand that I just can't. I am defending myself in my head, but the words just can't can't come out. I hate that about myself, especially because I am actually a really strong, smart, talented, intellegent person. I don't know what to do about it either, but it is nice to hear that someone else has the same problem. Best wishes...
seek professional help
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