When I was a little girl, I caught my mother and older brother having s**. My mother explained to me that she had found him doing oral s** with another boy and it was her duty to cure him of wanting gay s** by letting him have s** with her. I caught them on other occasions. It must have worked because he began having s** with me with I was a bit older. I was in my teens before I figured out how messed-up it all was.
I'm a divorced mother now, and a few months ago I walked in on my son masturbating. Without thinking I gave him a b****** then gave him permission to have me get him off whenever he needed it. I didn't think about what I had done until afterwards, it was like a reflex. He's taken advantage of that permission a lot.
I feel guilty and apprehensive but I still allow it. I thought my mom and brother were messed-up, but at some level, I guess I accepted their logic.