unwanted jealousy

Well, firstly sorry for the long post, but I want to be a bit clear. I'll try to give the short version, but supply enough details in order to accurately frame the situation.

This girl and I have been friends for almost 10 years. We started off dating, and the feelings never really went away. It's one of those friendships that is like the tide - it drifts away but always comes back. For the past year or so we have become a lot closer, and have been seeing each other pretty regularly.

The feelings, at least on my end started coming back, or becoming stronger, depending on how you look at it. We have a decent amount of mutual friends, and her friends say that she feels the same way.

She had a boyfriend [her first serious one], but broke up with him about 5 months ago, and since that time we have been seeing eachother around once a week, and in the past month or so 2-3 times a week. This has made my feelings for her more intense. Before they were just kind of a whisper in the back of my mind, whereas now they are a constant symphony. Don't get me wrong, this isn't some silly infatuation or anything, she is someone I can honestly say I can see myself marrying. I had thought about that before, and strangely, the thought didn't scare me, indeed, it made me happy.

There are complications though. She has to move for work in a couple months, for a year, about 2500 miles away. I know she will be back at the end, and will visit when she can, but it would be hard to start a relationship on those terms.

I ran the idea by her of dating, and she said she would be open to it. I wanted to be gentle with the idea as to not ruin our friendship. Since that time, we have been getting a little more couple-y - holding hands, walking with our arms around each other, and those things that new couples tend to do to test waters. I havn't kissed her again since we did the first time almost 10 years ago.

The kind of relationship we have - we talk about everything. That's one of the great things about it. The other night, she said she was having dinner with her ex, who she had broken up with. She insisted it was just as friends, but I teased her about it, calling it a date. The thing is, she told me when she broke up with him that they had nothing in common, never talked, etc, and that she doesn't even want to be friends with him. That's pretty much why they broke up - no one did anything stupid, they just didn't click.

I was fine with the idea, although I said, he is probably going to try to get you back, and I don't think it's right for you to lead him on. She said he probably would. But she decided to go anyway. Which was fine with me.

The night before they went out for dinner, as we were saying goodbye, I said jokingly 'have fun on your date tomorrow!,' to which she told me to shut up, its not a date, etc etc. The usual joking stuff. Somehow it got to the point of, her taking him back, and she said there was no good reason why she would, but then she started listing things off like he's nice, cute, etc etc. and promptly changed the subject.

Now, I was fine with the whole situation the night before, but the night of, I felt very irritated. If any of you have just gotten the feeling that something is very wrong, or something bad is happening or about to and that sick to your stomach feeling, then you know the way I was feeling, on top of being irritated. Now, I don't get that feeling very often, and every time I have, it's been pretty right. I got it before I got arrested, and before I got into a car accident.

I was jealous. I had no right to be because we are not together. I was mad at her. Because after all these years we are finally trying to start something, and it doesn't seem as though she is taking it seriously at all. I have to initiate absolutely everything.

Since that night, things have been weird between us - we are usually very talkative, but we have not been communicating well at all in the past couple days. Something weird is going on between us.

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  • you say she went back to her ex then move on with your life this woman does not want a life with you. go and find you a woman who knows how to really love.

  • She is into you, but perhaps she wants a sexual connection. Something she's already established with the other guy. She might be afraid of ruining your relationship, just like you are. So, meaning she values you.

    Well, we could guess all day long though. Just find a time to approach the idea, and explain you still want to continue your careful change in relationship, as you value her in all aspects. A friend, a confidant, perhaps a lover.

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