Running Away/Starting Over

Sometimes I just want to run away, start over, have a different life. I've shared too many personal things, if i could do it all again i would keep my personal secrets ... well... secret. The truth just taints peoples opinion about me.

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  • Getting away will probably do you good. If nothing else, it will you give a new perspective on your small town. I think you will find though that those jackasses are not exclusive to your town, they thrive everywhere. That's something that you can never escape, so as long as you don't view your departure as leaving them all behind and starting out fresh, I know you will go far. Just stick to the middle of the river.

  • There was an experiment done where a guy measured the rate of flow agaist stones. he coloured several stones and put them 1 meter distance apart across a river - lined up evenly - and each day he measured how far they travelled. the ones in the middle travelled farther, hm interesting.

    But if you hadn't noticed i'm slightly pessimistic and very misanthropic, and to curse it all im relatively intelligent.

    It's hard to love a world thats full of j******'s

    But thanks for your encouragement :)

    I really do think i just need to leave though, I need to be away from the silly ignorant people in my town, actually i dont live there any more, or rather i wont soon, im in the process of moving to be closer to school - not far only about an hour away - and oddly half the people that i knew in my town, half the kids i grew up with that is - go to the university im going to! sucks. I think when i do my post graduate studies i'll go somewhere else.

  • Well that's because dams are unnatural. Go with your gut feeling and allow nature to takes it's course. Finish up with your scholastic obligations and follow the river that best suits you. If you hit a dam, reverse your flow and retrace your steps or take a detour on a side stream before reaching the dam. I know you will find the sea eventually!
    Don't worry about the ignorance of others. They get their delight in getting reactions out of you. They are nothing but pebbles in your riverbed and you can easily flow over them.

  • Just to clarify what happened - one of my so called "neighbor boys" raped me - i never reported it because in a town like that it causes all sorts of social problems, and i didnt want my parents to deal with it. When i told my best friend who also grew up with the guy she didn't believe me. She thought he would never do something like that, especially because he had a girl frield.

    It's not my fault it happened, i know that now, but after she told me she didn't believe me, i really did think it was my fault.

    But you -- you poster who lashes out with cruel words in some pathetic attempt to hurt a stranger -- you can't be much better! He hurt me, you're trying to - obviously i've been through worse, and you aren't hurting me by saying obcene things like that... you are making me angry, and frustrated because i know that the world if full of a******* like you and there is nothing i can do about it.

    But really, what the f*** is your purpose in life?

    if you dont have one why dont you do the world a favor huh, stop taking up air, its sorta valuable and i wouldn't want it to be wasted on some pathitic nothing

  • ** from author in response to the above false post**why are you such an a****** - i didnt write that - This was supposed to be a discussion...

    I dont understand how people can be so mean to each other. I did nothing to hurt you, why would you purposely strike out against me? Is your life that f****** empty. Are you that much of a moron?

    did your daddy abuse you when you were a little kid? did he touch you in all the wrong places? or is it just that you enjoyed it a little too much - OH I GET IT - you must be the poster who likes incest!! you seem very obsessed with s**, so i'm guessing you're a very frustrated virgin or you're a disgusting piece of s*** infected with every disease imaginable... but because you're on the net and not getting laid - im gonna go with a very frustrated virgin.

    This was supposed to be a place where you can post and people can respond with advice etc - not insults.

    Grow up and get a life - maybe try getting a job, contribute to society a little. or is that too much for your shrivled up little brain to comprehend

  • first two times i moved i was young and living with my parents, i came back the last time because i was made a scholastic offer i thought was advantagous --

    it may end up in the ocean, unless there is something hindering it or preventing it. Look at the dams along the grand canyon -- now the river doesn't reach the ocean any more --- it dries up in Mexico :(

  • It sounds as if you have already tried the route of leaving it all behind but ended up back where you started. What brought you back? If the reason for your return has been addressed and is behind you now, then by all means move on again. As long as you are sure you can do so without regret. All of the water from those dead end rivers still ends up in the sea.

  • **author** when everybody lives in the same small town (when i say small i mean about 3,000 ppl including dogs) you can't just let differences separate you - you are too close physically - you see each other everywhere, you work with each other, go to school with each other. It's an easy thing to say "just let it take its natural course" but if you haven't noticed every river in nature bends turns, cuts back, ebbs, parts do get cut off -- some maybe part of the natural course is just to leave it all behind

  • It is natural for childhood friendships to deteriorate as you become an adult. Although, it is easy to feel complacent because they already know your past. They are part of you past, and there is no need try to run from that, just let your differences slowly separate your friendship. That way any mutual friends won't be forced to choose sides.

  • **author** What she said wasn't meant to hurt, but the thoughtlessness behind the comment is an attribute to her character - and an accurate one. This incident did happen years ago, and so everything I know now is based on hindsight - which is, as they say, twenty-twenty. I was young then, and knew much less than i do now, as is expected. I was raised to trust my friends (generally good advise) and if i have a problem, to tell someone i trust. In this case, it was a mistake, because telling her meant the whole town found out, and that was VERY bad. She didn't give a second thought to my feelings at all. I was conditioned, by other children, not my parents, to take whatever friendship i could get, feeling myself unworthy of something better, and not really knowing that something better was available, i hung on, but i think i'm at the point where childhood friends are my past, and perhaps its time i leave that behind.

  • Well, that comes back to you having faith in yourself and your own judgments. You can't beat yourself up over something because a friend leads you to believe that you were in the wrong. If your friend consistently belittles you when you open up to her, then she is definitely not a friend. It may have just been an isolated instance though, maybe she just didn't know how to respond to your outpouring of emotions, in which case, you can easily overlook her comment and know that nothing hurtful was meant by it. Either way, no matter what the intentions of you friends may be, don't take everything they say to heart. As long as you know where you stand with your own past is all that matters. Stay true to yourself and no matter how small the town you live in, you will be appreciated by someone.

  • **author** ah but it gets tricky, if i cut out the false friends, there will be repurcussions with my actual friends -- it's a small town, as i said, and some of them may feel the need to choose, and I wouldn't want them to feel that way.

    It's not like I'm really GOOD friends with any of them, the one i thought was my best and closest, didn't believe me. Her response to one thing I tearily told her was "oh you probably brought it all on yourself" which is just something a friend wouldn't say to you (and for the record, i didnt bring it on myself, I know that now - but at the time it devestated me, i thought I was a horrible rotten aweful person)

    so you see how it can become complicated

  • ^ You are so right! So now you know who to keep around and who to ignore. Those who feel you are a liar deserve no place in your life, and those who may have been somewhat sympathetic and supportive are your true friends. There is no need to run from your friends and no need to have regrets. Whatever you have done is in the past. Keep moving forward with that mindset and have faith in yourself and those decisions you have made. Even if you may lose a few "friends" in the process.

  • **author** > to first commenter > yes, this is very true, and thats exactly what i used to believe about regret. I thought that no matter what i did nothing was a mistake because it helped shape who i am. Now, however, I dont always like myself, and i find that if i could go back and change things I would, even though I know that I may miss out on some of the fantastic experiences i've had. It would be hard to understand without going through what I have. In high school I noticed that the most drama and the most embarassing and hurtful things happened when people kept secrets, or so I thought. When someone had "skeletons in the closet" so to speak. I thought i could avoid all that by being honest with everybody, about anything personal, no matter how delicate the secret (my secrets, not others secrets) -- It's been some years since then and my views are quite different now. Some people pitty me, others think I'm a liar. I'm not sure which is worse. But I think you are right - choosing the right person/people to share my history with is what i want. But I'm still in the same stupid little town I grew up in (i've moved away several times, but have come back) and everybody knows everything about everyone.... there is no descretion, no way to avoid any unpleasantness or uncomfortable situations. It's very difficult. And without a means to move too far away I'm rather stuck. Short of cutting everybody out of my life all at once, I just have to face the mistakes i've made - the biggest mistake, telling anybody about my secrets. I should have kept them to myself, or perhaps i should have invested in therapy.

    One thing is for sure --- when you reveal such personal stories, events, histories, about yourself... you really find out who your true friends, who supports you, who talks behind your back, who call you a liar.

    Perhaps its my selection of "friends" that was actually my mistake...

  • *1st commenter again* But your history is what shapes your personality! You can't deny that. Others showing sympathy may be their way of letting you know they care for you. If you go find new acquaintances, they will still eventually find out what makes you "you." Being honest about your past is the most important thing. How others react to that depends on who you choose share your history with.

  • **author** i've noticed that people here are awefully unkind. I suppose I was just raised with better morals, it's not their fault, and i guess everyone has to vent somewhere. But I hardly think abusing a stranger will help solve anyone's problems. I don't think abusing anyone will help solve problems, just cause more

  • **author** thats awefully rude - why would you try and prevent free speech? I don't believe i did or said anything offensive, perhaps you should seek psychological care for your anger and verbal abuse issue!

  • Shut up

  • **author** I hate it when people feel sorry for me, when they think "oh poor baby, she's been through so much" I hate it when people treat me like im a glass object.... thats what i mean by the truth taints people's opinion. I want people just to see me, and see my personality, not my history.

  • Who cares about other peoples opinions of you? The important thing is that you have been honest. If you run away to start over you will either be living a lie, or you will just have to start at the beginning and share all of those secrets again.

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