nothing out of the ordinary

i'll probably never love again. my heart's not broken, just cold. it's sad, i guess, but it bores me to think about it. i take strange satisfaction in knowing that the guys who stare will end up with less than what i am and could offer. i used to love s**. nothing turned me off but i can't remember the last time i masturbated and when i attempt to think about it, it feels like an act. that's all fine and good but what about when my s** appeal fades and i have no high horse to ride? it's a scary thought. i thought i was smarter than all of this. i'd ask for help if i knew what i wanted and thought someone appropriate would be obliged. help with what though? and what is appropriate? again, i'm at a loss. f***.

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