well i dont know how i ever got to this point. my friend tells me i need serious counseling, but arent i the stereotypical girl?
i have both attachment and detachment issues. I attach to guys after s**, but ive only attached to guys who have treated me like s***. the guys who treat me nice are not enough of a thrill for me? the one guy is only f**** me and leaves me..i really like him. and he wont give me the time of day. and he's very sexually degrading. i do it because he likes it. and for that little while i think he actually likes me. i am so ashamed and disgusted with myself that i was treated like a cheap, desperate h*****.
but i can be so cold to guys who like me for who i am, who actaully take me out on dates and treat me with respect. i ditch them, lie to them, and plain out ignore them until they dont like me anymore.
i am so ashamed of myself. my self esteem is shattered and i have no s** drive anymore. and i'm only 21. things have progressively gotten worse and i am afraid i'll only stay in abusive relationships and get killed one day by a psycho boyfriend/husband.