After my childrens father and I ended our nearly 7 yr relationship (met at 15, I am now 23) he (although his large family size) had nowhere to go. Finding what I thought a ratinal option for the sake of his safety and our childrens happiness; I allowed him to stay in the house I was renting. We had an extra room so it became his. We had many many great days and memories, but towards the end (last 3 years) were solid ups and downs throughout the entire day. We went from never raising voices to nearly constant arguments. We of course tried to keep it away from our children as much as possible but it just wasn't a good situation. During this time a friend/co-worker of mine invited me to attend a church service, saying I needed the positive atmjosphere if nothing else. (He is atheist but enjoys the studying and dialect of religions. He found a particular nondemoninational church to have a great uplifting environment and convinced me to go.) Sooo after years of not attending services I leaped from my box and into his car. We began attending the evening service together nearly every week. It was "fun". We worked together almost all day long in a large mostly empty room as we listened to music (drawing serum samples and collecting other samples off of human plasma donations and preparing them for shipment); then on sunday nights after work we'd meet back up for church. We both had feelings for each other and he had asked me a few times to "give him a chance" ... see I have terrible trust issues and though this guy came to my rescue after my ex knocked me out... I just get so afraid... I don't want to lose a friendship, I dont want the unthinkable to happen again. I didnt want to end up in a saddend relationship. Now, this guy knows exactly how I feel and every reason for it. A few months later the weather looked up and spring was among us. We began occasioanlly jogging together, if not at least walking together. I am big on fitness so I thought it was awesome that he wanted to join me. Another few months later he tells me he has decided to join the marines and that he knows I should marry him, we would lead such a happy life. Then casually proposed. I think my instant thought was "What the heck is he serious, should I do it...?!!!, Wait... My kids.." Not long later, seriously, maybe two months, he left. I told him (in more or less words) we were really good friends and as much as I cared about him it wasn't the right thing for me right then. The complete truth is, deep inside I was screaming..."do it!" But it would be so irrational to marry someone youve never been with!, someone who has been only a perfect PERFECT friend for the last year. There was no way that a perfect friendship should be taunted by relationship... or should it?! Because maybe it would be everything i ever drempt of... or maybe thats to crazy to be true because whose dreams really come true? Well another 3 1/2 months later or so he has proposed again. He took into consideration the schools in the area. (My children are in PreK and K.) So heres my dilemma... jump on a limb and marry the man I love but dont want to risk losing our friendship... or marry this guy and dont lose anything but rather gain EVERYTHING, or keep it as it is... and never know?... The other thing is, hes in california and we are in indiana... ooooo and I cant move that far with my kiddos. :/ Seee here I am I want to say yes, but their dad still is calling/textig me every day telling me how sorry he is, how much he loves me and how he wants us to try to work things out again. Again is the key word. I almost feel like just from writing I know my answer... but I dont know ... is the possibly irrational thing what is really rational after all?