my self-esteem has been utterly shattered since I got raped 3 years ago when I lost my virginity to a guy who thought slurred speach, stumbling, and passing out were cues for s**.

3 years later, 17 s** partners later, (all either casual s**, one-night stands, or purely sexual relationships..all used me for s** and i let them) None of which were boyfriends.

is it shameful that when i have s**, i pretend that they guy f****** me is someone who cared about me, was my boyfriend, or someone who just liked me more than a s** object?

i would never tell this though. ever.

ii am so afraid i will never know what love is or how to love someone. the damage is done.

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  • Any other time, I'd comment on this with a smart ass retort, but in this case, I sense sincerity.
    You need to seek professional help. Don't go to a psychiatrist, go to a psychologist.
    Psychiatry is drugs. Psychology is mind healing.
    You need to get this problem behind you. It's been too long destroying your happiness already.
    But you already know that.
    What are you waiting for?

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