my self-esteem has been utterly shattered since I got raped 3 years ago when I lost my virginity to a guy who thought slurred speach, stumbling, and passing out were cues for s**.
3 years later, 17 s** partners later, (all either casual s**, one-night stands, or purely sexual relationships..all used me for s** and i let them) None of which were boyfriends.
is it shameful that when i have s**, i pretend that they guy f****** me is someone who cared about me, was my boyfriend, or someone who just liked me more than a s** object?
i would never tell this though. ever.
ii am so afraid i will never know what love is or how to love someone. the damage is done.