I'm mean and fake.

I'm so fake. I don't want to act anymore. I want to be me. I want friends who like me for who I am. But I've put so much into being a part of my clique. I can't go back now. The only friend who knew the real me moved away, and hates me and our group for what we do to other people. I have no real friends. I get in trouble all the time for purposely failing my tests. Everyone who's not in our group hates me with a passion. I think even my so-called friends hate me. My boyfriend is only going out with me to increase his social status. I don't want to wear such slutty and revealing clothes, I don't want to grind against guys, and I don't want to mess around with them either at parties- but I still want to have friends and i still want to attend parties. What's worse is i'm starting to think like them, I don't want to, but I'm starting to. I feel either satisfied or emotionless to other people's pain and fear. I'm turning into a monster. If I go back, I'll surely be my friend's next target, victim- I'm scared.

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