I hate my life, and may end it.

Where do I start? I fell in love with a contentious woman, and 14 years after we married, I still love her. But she hates me. She hates me and won't leave me or let me leave her until our 10 year old is 18 or out of the house, because she thinks I won't spend time with my kids if I don't have too.

But I love them, and her, too. 7 years ago, I screwed up and cheated, but that's not why she hates me. She hated me before that. She hates me because I am me. I'm not exactly the guy she wants, which would be OK if she could define that, but she can't. She just knows he doesn't sound or look or speak like me.

That, by itself I could live with. But I also have severe ADD and can't really keep things straight all the time. I'm a serial entrepreneur, but also. serial looser. I don't make enough money too keep up with my wife's spending....

So, I have a gun. Every day for the last year, I've contemplated and planned and gone over my death in my head over and over. I've imagined daily how the bullet will enter on one side and exit the other, taking none and brain and hair and my pain with it.

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  • hey. I can identify with you. my ex blamed me for everything and would scream at me for not washing the dishes in the right side of the sink. she was the one i always swore i would marry after all my previous failed relationships. when i was just about to break up with her because i couldn't handle it anymore we found she was pregnant. things got worse. i tried and i tried and i tried...i still do. the thing is she refuses to speak to me because i don't do what she wants. i havent seen my son since the ultrasound when she told me i was the worst mistake of her life. i can't bring myself to suicide because i don't know what the future has in store...because of hope- know one ever knows if it will get better it may or may not. but what's the most important thing? doing the best you can, being the best father and husband you can be...and in your case i would recommend going to a good counselor. everytime you want to look at that gun go for a jog, or a bike ride, or work out a bit. it helps. iron can teach you alot. it's not about falling or how many times you do it's about how you get back up. i'm saying this to myself right now and typing it to you. we all have our battles and i want you to know you are not alone

  • Suicide is never the answer. And whatever you're going through and dealing with, it will pass. But your children will be truly devastated by the loss of their father. Chances are your wife is more unhappy with herself and her life then it has anything to do with you. And her laundry list of things you should be or shouldn't be is b.s. All you can do is better yourself and do it for you, not her. Because I'm sure, she's not perfect. You owe it to yourself to get help and do what you can to be happy. Being a serial entrepreneur keeps things interesting, at least you've tried it. So they aren't all successes..whatever. Life is short, keep doing it until you find something you love. In the meantime, if your wife is not interested in working on the marriage then you should leave and file for divorce, set up custody arrangements and move on. But get that gun out of the house..it's not an option.

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