I'm so in love with him, but he doesn't love me back and he never will
I confess that I'm so unhappy right now. I feel like I've lost my mind. I'm stupidly in love with my "friend", who was never really my friend because our relationship started with us having s**. After which he told me he wasn't interested in dating me. At first he gave me lame excuses as to why it couldn't work...u know, the usual reasons. But he later admitted to me that it's because I'm black/dark skinned. That was seven months ago, and I'm still hung up on him. I've attempted to cut him out of my life several times, and I failed every time. I kept having s** even knowing that it meant more to me than it did to him, even when I suspected that he might be bisexual. The last time I attempted to cut him out of my life it was because after he agreed to give being bf/gf a try, he later told me that the only reason he'd agreed to it was because I'd told him I couldnt be friends with him anymore and he felt sorry for me because he knows I have no one else to talk to. I've never cried as much as I cried that night. But still, I allowed him back. Up until last night when I told him I was done for good. I don't know why I expected him to care that he was never going to hear from or speak to me again, but obviously he didn't. I was crying, my heart was breaking. but he was calm and cold, sometimes even laughing. He broke my heart worse than anyone ever has, but he doesn't get it. Nor does he care. I know the only reason he was able to get to me as much as he did is because I have no self-worth, and that's something I'm going to work on from now on. I know I should have walked away when I had the chance...I wouldn't be going thru this right now. My mistake.