Feelings that shouldn't be.

My mind is full of fantasies; un-actable romanticising, unrequited thoughts believed; persisting like diseases, wishing they were falsehoods to grant myself reprieve from the punishment I force myself to live with every lie that I forgive yet cannot understate the confusions’ too innate but if its nothing that is evil; nothing bad to hate- then why do I defy what is evidently real- even though it is organic it would not be understood, good friendships that would be broken or at least misunderstood is what I fear to loose that which is so precious and too good. By too good I mean there is more than I am used to, relying on those who would distance themselves from you because it is alien and almost unwelcome you find yourself with problems in the forms of emotions that you hoped would never grace you as maybe they weaken you or rely on one individual too greatly for them to handle as these emotions are not divisible, this is why I worry about the truth that remains invisible because if I loose the one I rely on then I would regress to before where there was never any more but me and my thoughts working overtime on problems that exist nowhere but in my mind is full of fantasies; un-actable romanticising again and again remaining unaccountable I don’t know if I can get a handle on the way my mind is working because of the past that was so blinding and the present that I cry in and the future so insurmountable.

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  • kill the kat

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