I'm scared.

Sometimes i'm scared to wake up in the morning.
i'm scared that people don't see who i really am. i'm afraid that when i wear the clothes i do people can't see that its just because i'm afraid of people not liking me. i'm scared that when i go to school and walk by the upperclassmen they'll laugh at me again. i'm scared people will call me a w****, even though the only boyfriend i ever had only asked me out as a joke, and i didn't know for several days. i'm scared that one day that boy i met online 2 years ago that i still talk to will wake up and realize i'm not the perfect amazing beautiful girl he thinks i am. i'm scared that my friends will one day see through my fake smile and actually look behind my mask and see the tears that i supress. i'm scared my parents will see just how much they're hurting me when they tell me i'm not trying hard enough, even though i'm putting everything i have into it.i'm scared to close my eyes because the things i see behind them are worse than when they're open. i'm terrified to look at my grades, i'm terrified to look at the messes i've made. i'm scared to see my old friends and now i pass them they act like i never even knew them..which is worse than being cruel towards me.i'm scared to look in the mirror because i'll see my face, and i feel like i'm the only one that can tell. i've got everyone fooled. what scares me the most out of all though is to be alone in my room like i am everyday, alone with my thoughts, alone with the nightmare that i've become. its ripping through me and i don't know how to stop it. :/

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