Scared little girl... somebody help me.
Am a teenage girl and I have an anger management issue. When I was young, my uncle with alzheimers moved in with us and quickly became violent. My parents and him were always screaming back and forth and the incidents of physical altercations were never-ending. Now he is in a nursing home and my parents act like nothing ever happened. But I am scarred from all those year. I get angry about the smallest things… if my parents raise their voices, a door bell, my younger sibling sassing me…. The problem is, no one knows I have an anger issue. When I am angry I hold it in until I can get alone time. Then I cry and cry and cry because I am so angry. Alot of times I wish I could just kill myself or them. The thing that scares me is not only that I am having these thoughts but that I feel I am capable of acting on them. The only thing that stops me from killing them is my one hope that a man will come along and marry me. The sooner the better. If I could get married this second I would, but only if he promises to take me far away from here, away from my own personal h***. I am worried though that I might take this anger out on my future husband and children. Once, jokingly, I wondered aloud what would happen If I went to see a psychiatrist. Both my parents informed me that it would never happen, and my father said that no daughter of his would ever become a loon. I am afraid to keep holding these feelings and thoughts in because I feel that I am becoming a danger not only to myself but to the people around me. No one knows any of this, not even my longtime best friend. I dont know how to tell people without getting my parents arrested but I know I seriously need help. My mind isnt the way it should be but I dont know how to fix it… Ive been praying to God since age 6 to fix me, but so far He hasnt stepped in.I’m scared… wont somebody help me?