I am a bad man
I Lost my integrity as a man and my own sense of morality. The majority of this is fuzzy and parts I cannot remember. I was drunk and I had heard a drunk girl that I know was in my room. So, I decided I would ask her for a b*******. I never intended to do anything against this girl's will; she is a friend of mine that I have known for several years. When I got to my room she was completely passed out in my bed. I decided that I was not going to ask her for a b*******, but I was still going to wake her up to make sure she was ok and to tell her I was laying down in my bed(stupid I know). I woke her up and asked her if she was ok and I think I brought her a glass of water. I asked her if it was ok if I laid in my bed and she drunkly said yes. Then I changed into a pair of gym shorts to sleep in and It was either then I laid down or she went to the bathroom. At some point I laid down and we wrapped around each other I think. I remember asking her if she knew who I was and she said yes. I don't know if I thought she was into me or what, but I put my hand by her "lady area" and asked if it was ok and she very drunkly said yes so I fingered her for a second.
Almost instantly my conscious seemed to pop up and I stopped. Maybe then she went to the bathroom..... God I can't remember. I still passed out next to her and woke up wrapped around her and I grabbed her breast I think. I don't know what I was thinking. I apologized to her a few days later and she didn't seem to care at all. She told me it takes a big man to tell the truth, but I think a big man never would have done that. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done telling her.
She doesn't mind but i hate myself; I've always been the guy that watches out for really drunk girls and makes sure nothing happens to them. My friends keep telling me I'm over thinking this but I think I raped her. It makes me wonder if I can ever be happy or call myself a good man again. I'm so lost i don't think I'll ever find myself again. Am I a bad man?