I am a bad man

I Lost my integrity as a man and my own sense of morality. The majority of this is fuzzy and parts I cannot remember. I was drunk and I had heard a drunk girl that I know was in my room. So, I decided I would ask her for a b*******. I never intended to do anything against this girl's will; she is a friend of mine that I have known for several years. When I got to my room she was completely passed out in my bed. I decided that I was not going to ask her for a b*******, but I was still going to wake her up to make sure she was ok and to tell her I was laying down in my bed(stupid I know). I woke her up and asked her if she was ok and I think I brought her a glass of water. I asked her if it was ok if I laid in my bed and she drunkly said yes. Then I changed into a pair of gym shorts to sleep in and It was either then I laid down or she went to the bathroom. At some point I laid down and we wrapped around each other I think. I remember asking her if she knew who I was and she said yes. I don't know if I thought she was into me or what, but I put my hand by her "lady area" and asked if it was ok and she very drunkly said yes so I fingered her for a second.

Almost instantly my conscious seemed to pop up and I stopped. Maybe then she went to the bathroom..... God I can't remember. I still passed out next to her and woke up wrapped around her and I grabbed her breast I think. I don't know what I was thinking. I apologized to her a few days later and she didn't seem to care at all. She told me it takes a big man to tell the truth, but I think a big man never would have done that. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done telling her.

She doesn't mind but i hate myself; I've always been the guy that watches out for really drunk girls and makes sure nothing happens to them. My friends keep telling me I'm over thinking this but I think I raped her. It makes me wonder if I can ever be happy or call myself a good man again. I'm so lost i don't think I'll ever find myself again. Am I a bad man?

M/23

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  • U are a j****** man

  • No you are not a bad man. you are a sort of stupid man, if not gay... she wanted to have s** with you, be drunk was only an excuse.

  • no, youre not a bad man, youre the gay guy girls hang out with because they dont want to be hit on

  • Any other comments? I just wish I knew if she was "with it" or not when she said yes. I think I might be over thinking this but idk.

  • your a puss man !!!! get over it !!! it didnt bother her any!!! s*** she probably wanted you to f*** her !! you puss!!

  • yes , you are a bad man .

  • It sounds like it isn't really bothering her. You are just too timid to take the next step and try to hook up with her when you both are sober. Stop being such a panzy and make a move.

  • OP again. When I woke her up to tell her I was laying down she was wide awake I think. I remember her looking at me and she got kinda p***** when I kept asking her if she was ok or if she wanted A glass of water. I just wish I knew how she was when I actually fingered her and if she was out of it or
    Not. I guess i just need to move on from this.

  • OP here. I know I didn't do anything else I just can't remember all the details and it's really bothering me. I remember her moaning loudly and I think she grabbed my head or my arm, not as to stop me but like it was ok. But idk if I've just created that memory or Not. I know her eyes were closed but she was communicating with me. I told her I thought I took advantage of her and she told me not to stress about it, but I'm a very obsessive
    Person.

  • A "bad man" wouldn't have asked her, he would have just done as he pleased. A "bad man" wouldn't have remorse. In this instance, I agree with your friends - You are over thinking it. Stop beating yourself up. Do you think something more happened and you can't remember? The most important thing is that your friend is okay with it, she's not mad or thinks anything less of you. She obviously wasn't totally out of it, she managed to go to the bathroom. If she needed to she could have knocked your hand away or told you flat out no. It's clear you still respect women and you have your integrity. Be happy, forgive yourself..If this is really, really bothering you, and you just aren't able to move past it.. go and speak with a therapist.

  • Find out if she wants to f*** you. That's the only legitimate question here.

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